They/she, 30, lazy writer. Here's to sigils in coffee creamer and half read books about magic. I write short stories about subverting destiny and being funnier than the bad guy.
I have been writing online since 2016. As a result, I have quite the few short stories listed below! They’re all from different parts in my writing journey and I hope you enjoy.
If you’d like to read what I currently put out, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)
Satan is Gay - This is the most controversial short story I’ve ever written. I will say that I don’t agree with the use of the word “homosexual” in the prompt, but I stand by the story itself.
biggest reason i make so many flop posts on here is because everything i do reeks of the desperation to make a popular tumblr post. this is deliberate, because it is what protects me from ACTUALLY making a popular tumblr post. so long as i crave it, tumblr fame will never find me. it is only when i turn away, and accept my fate of obscurity, that people will lay their eyes upon me. and it WILL be because i tripped and fell on my stupid face while i was turning
“There’s no way in hell there was an actual supervillain who actually called themselves-”
“No, no, not officially - we came up with the name when we were assigned to find them, and we were kind of taking the piss, but it’s still a good name. It was before your time - they had the power to-”
“I don’t want to know what their power was.”
“No, listen - their power was that they could summon a pie and throw it at someone.”
“Oh. Oh, well, okay - that’s the greatest supervillain you’ve ever fought? Doesn’t sound like much.”
“But that was the thing. They could throw a pie at someone and it would never miss. So long as they could see their target they’d hit them. We eventually found out they could throw a pie at someone who was on live broadcast, miles away.”
“Jesus. Okay, I think I see the issue. But it was still, like. Pies, right?”
“Oh, for sure, it was never poison pies, and they could only summon a pie every 15 seconds so they couldn’tdrown someone in meringue. But - do you remember Murgatroyd Bentley?”
“Sort of, he was president when I was a little kid - something, something superhuman rights, and he was the guy who nuked Saskatchewan, right?”
“That’s the guy. We found out about this guy after the Humboldt Crisis, because after that, whenever there was a live broadcast with the president - the state of the union, addressing congress, the Christmas tree lighting - a pie would splatter across his face every fifteen seconds.”
“…Is that it?”
“Hon, it was everything. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the president try to talk about dignity while being smacked in the face with a banana cream. By the end of term, he refused to show his face in public, and he resigned in quiet disgrace. There were a few other pieings for a few years, but nowhere near the amount that took place when Bentley was president, and eventually they stopped. We never found out who or even where this person was.
"And that - more than anything - makes them the greatest supervillain I’ve ever had to deal with. Because they didn’t do much, but they did it loudly, they did it consistently, and we never caught them.”
“…How hard were you trying to catch them?”
“Not very.”
“And you decided to call them Dr. Creampie?”
“We were young. The president had just bombed Saskatchewan. It was a weird time. Honestly we took what we could get for laughs.”
Being unhinged feels good but being able to look back and still see yourself as a good person feels better
The trick is unhinged with bad people, so you are an agent of karma
I actually took this advice and I have to say that this is the way to go, I crave the suffering of unpleasant people and my tolerance for Awkward Silence is high so long as I can sip at the misery wafting off my target in delectable waves
uhm I had my English exan today and we had a prompt
Anyway I was reminded of one your stories and wrote it as if I was reading the story you wrote and it actually happens
So I really wanted my friends to see your story writing and was looking for that specific story
I believe it was about a cloud like thing covering the city, allowing no sunshine but it also solved diseases
At last a mother goes and asks the cloud for forgiveness
says that they had been hurting jt
And the cloud parted.
I remember it being your blog and I loved the story so much I was immediately reminded of it during my exam prompt( and sorry if you were not comfortable with me using your story as a base for my exam,, sorry)
caffeinewitchcraft Said:
I’m so flattered! That’s awesome :) I’m so glad you liked that one - that style of writing is near and dear to my heart and I don’t do nearly enough of it!
Hi! I just joined your patreon and read through everything my current tier would allow. Your characterisation and plot development choices are always super fun and interesting. With all that said, i was wondering if you had any plans on updating the fae cinderella story you had going. Cinderella is a special interest of mine and i adore any and all adaptations. Yours is one of the most interesting ones ive found so far.
caffeinewitchcraft Said:
Omg that’s the next update coming this Saturday! Thank you so much for joining and supporting me :) I’m literally so thrilled that it’s gonna be a Cinderella part!
The teacher clapped his hands. “Ok! We’re doing motivations people! Motivations!”
“I want to find my father.”
“I want to prove myself to my childhood bullies.”
“I want to do nothing.”
“…”
“That’s not a motivation,” the teacher said.
“Sure it is. I’m motivated to not be motivated.”
“I– then why are you going on this quest with this party?”
“Ideally, I’m not.”
The teacher opened his mouth. Closed it. Said, “That’s not–”
“My motivation is to make that guy do something,” the last rookie adventurer proposed.
The apathetic one frowned. “Which I’m not going to do.”
“Aren’t you?” they asked, raising one eyebrow suggestively.
“No! You don’t get it, I’m doing nothing–”
The teacher grinned with too many teeth. “And! Your motivation just went from ’do nothing’ to ’do nothing despite that one guy trying to make you do something.’”
“What? No! He can’t be part of my motivation!” Did no one understand subversive art anymore?
“Too late, the story marches forward. Next, what’s preventing you from self-actualizing?”
The rookies looked at one another. “Can we turn this in at the end of the quest?”
“Fiiiiine. But you get extra points for every character arc you complete, so consider having a revelation mid rising action to keep the audience engaged.”
ALT
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