Garnet reminds my wife and I of the best parts of our relationship and our roles in the LGBT+ community. Her line, “We are everywhere!” is so empowering and relevant. It is worth remembering and declaring, so we designed this big, bold, bright 2.25” pin. Backers get an additional holographic print as extra thanks for helping make this pin a reality.
We all know Ruby is an emotional gem that can get lost in tunnel vision, anger, and self-deprecation. People love to flanderize the pair, talking as if Ruby has no self-moderation and is utterly reliant on a calm Sapphire. Few people seem notice Ruby’s self-care or support for Sapphire. Almost nobody seems to talk about/understand that Sapphire is also neurodivergent.
Sapphire has Anxiety.
Before Ruby, her coping mechanism for futurevision/anxiety was an unhealthy detachment, to the point that she was ambivalent to her own wellbeing.
Ruby changed all that. Sapphire is no longer detached. She is invested in others and in *herself.* But she still has to manage her future vision, her anxiety. It is *always* there. She usually manages well on her own using logic, but not always.
Sapphire and Ruby do face a lot of external problems and when they tackle them with a unified front it isn’t so scary. Together they have the power to direct their own path through the present and future. Sapphire can then usually independently remind herself that she doesn’t have to worry so much.
When Ruby goes into a tunnel-vision rage over one problem, Sapphire feels like Ruby is beyond reach, beyond help, and unable to join her to tackle/change those future visions as a united front. It makes her worriesome projections seem bigger. She begins to unhealthily bottle because she doesn’t want to bother an already hurting Ruby, and she makes the self-destructive choice to be quietly overwhelmed without communicating or seeking help. And so the butterflies, the projections, the fears multiply and swarm her.
Ruby hits a point where she realizes she’s too angry about something small, isolating Sapphire. A pang of self loathing strikes her, but she independently addresses it, forgives herself, takes a deep breath, and takes proactive action to make things right. That is amazing self-management and self-care.
Sapphire, with all of those fears swirling around her, responds immediately and positively to Ruby prompting her to keep things in perspective. She gets a gentle, nonjudgmental nudge and Sapphire herself took action by independently choosing to turn away from her fears and focusing on reflecting Ruby’s positive vibes. Ruby didn’t have to drag her. That is a choice that takes great individual strength.
Their relationship is absolutely healthy, but NOT because they are neurotypical. It is a healthy relationship because they make healthy choices both independently and together. They are responsible for themselves and they communicate.
Both of them have different neurodivergent tendencies to grapple with. Both of them have to remember to understand their feelings but not be dominated by them. Both of them have to independently take a deep breath, practice self-love, and *then* meet to communicate and give equal support. Both of them are stronger if they take a moment to think of just Flexibility Love and Trust.
And that’s what makes them good role models for everybody, neurodivergent or otherwise!
(This is based on a talk between the two of us. We are not mental health professionals, but these musings are based on our perspectives as a similar neurodivergent couple of 12 years. If this post inspired or helped you, great! Just don’t use this post to replace seeking professional help if you’re struggling! Love you all!)
It looks like they found an excuse to stay fused a little longer….So the next 5 questions will be answered as Garnet!
