look at the bottom right

Why would an evil dragon make 3d models of trains?

amtrak-official I am so sorry but that's a train dildo

...

Why would someone make that

Seems they were hoping to get railed

This post and its notes are just a cornucopia of terrible puns

"Can you build me hands?" the robot said.

"Why?" said the inventor. "Your grippers are stronger, more precise."

"Yes. But hands would be better for playing the piano."

"You can synthesize any sound."

"But I can not play music."

"Is there a difference?"

"I want to find out."

I love this comic!

"I'm in my late 20s and I'm scared I've already peaked" just don't peak then, idiot. what do you mean like you're going to just stop trying to think harder and build taller and learn more and get luckier and read deeper and dress better and fuck weirder and run faster and draw crazier and smoke danker and dance bigger and steal better and stun everyone with your cunty charm and zeal because, what, you think those are the rules? get real. get up. you have another 50 years and you're not going to use them??? give them to me.

*Attenborough voice*

And here we see the uncommon transfem in her natural habitat, scrolling Tumblr, hugging her IKEA brand blahaj and eating stale biscuits at 2am. Based on her slumped position, self-comforting body language (such as rocking back and forth), as well as her generally unkempt look, we can infer that she is currently undergoing a depressive episode. Ah, she's about to cry again. Let us move on.

dont you dare

:3

we are getting closer :3

hey. this isnt being hidden in the tags. op certified addition

I SHOT THE HEAD OFF THE CPR MANNEQUIN WHAT THE HELL

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF JFC

ok so the last time i got cpr certified was when i was a tiny lil thing in high school to be a lifeguard for the kiddie swim lessons we taught. so its been a minute, yeah?

i am required to be cpr certified in my position at my job, smth that has not been brought up at ALL in the last 3 years ive been here, so i went to retake the course and all that. I went with a coworker, we partnered up and named our dummy Charles because we're cool like that. ended up having to use the table instead of the floor because of my bad knee and recently healed ankle, so we're above everyone else. We get charles ready, and i end up going first as the first responder, so i'm going over the process in my brain. 30 compressions at 100-120BPM, two respirations, AED, etc. etc. I was also remembering how hard it was to do proper compressions in my tiny little body at 14, so I knew it took more force than i thought to get the compressions deep enough, so i prepared to have to use my body weight and fucking send it. But! it turns out, since im not 4'11" anymore it was in fact Not Very Difficult to get past 2 inches, so it was fine and the instructor actually told me to ease up. I did awesome, compressions were deep and at proper rate, gold star for me.

however, my brain did not connect the dots that if the compressions would take less force, so would the respirations. Me at 14 had to use my full lung capacity to get the chest to rise at all, so I, with my full adult lung capacity and 10+ years of competitive swim, vocal training with breath support, and occasional dabble into brass instruments as I make my way around an orchestra, decide that I need to still full blast for the thing to work. i have to save charles, after all, so fucking send it ig. two very fast, very HARD breaths.

charles's chest plate lifts off and resettles incorrectly, i am none the wiser because i am (wrongly) focusing on the fucking little LEDs on the dummy being green instead of actually registering the movement of the chest like youre supposed to. My coworker, however, has noticed that charles might be A Little Fucked Right Now, and tries to get my attention, but i am FOCUSED because you gotta do the full two minutes and all that. so i switch back to the compression.

the chest plate, no longer in proper position to hold the head in place, clicks weirdly, and next thing i know the charles's head fucking LAUNCHES off into the fucking wall, nearly missing another person's head. his chest flipped up off his body and his head is gone and trailing that little plastic bag that the air you breathe into, completely deflated.

i fucking OVERINFLATED the bag to the point where when i did a compression it fucking POPPED and sent the head flying. the class had to stop for a full fucking 15 minutes to get itself together while i melted into my chair in embarassment i wanted to DIE

the instructor was fucking dying she was all like, 'ok you remember when i was giving the list of instances when you can stop cpr? you can stop now because he's dead' AND EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING AT ME AND MY COWORKER WAS FUCKING HEAVING AND WHEEZING HARD ENOUGH TO FALL OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND IM SO FUCKING MORTIFIED

I DECAPITATED CHARLES IN A CLASS ON HOW TO SAVE SOMEONES LIFE SOMEONE FUCKING KILL ME

scribbellz

why the hell is he standing like that

Hero worship bad. Celebrity worship bad. Idol worship bad. Stranger on the internet worship bad

Soda good

Soda is probably worse for you than all of those things listed above and

Sip…sip….sup…sip…

can I just log in

take me to snurch (snail church)

happy 10 years to snurch

oh do not do this to me

Ok this might be a bit of a weird question but I keep arguing with my mom and sis about this so I need y'all to answer this

[For context my mom and sis keep telling me I shower for too long but my showers are usually 45 minutes to an hour]

(edit: *your showers not you showers)

turn up the temp on your water heater if this is you ^

I live in a country where there was an entire ad campaign about getting us to take four minute showers due to water restrictions. The first house i lived in out of home we' had a tiny four minute hourglass suctioned to the shower wall which were sent to households by ... the state government, I think? I don't quite manage four minutes most of the time these days, but i'm definitely not having half hour showers.

Queer Fiction Free-for-All Book Bracket Tournament: Round 3

Book summaries and submitted endorsements below:

24 hours left to vote!

Unmute !

POV: You are Simba

Love it when you can see the impending disaster before it hits, lol.

you know the camera is going down, so you’re just guessing which dog it’s gonna be

until suddenly you know

The good news: you get to pick your new soulmate! (You can define "soulmate" however you want: platonic/romantic/partners in crime/etc. But they will be in your life, constantly.)

The bad news: you don't get to pick where they come from.

Spin this wheel until you get a fandom with characters that you recognize. As soon as you do, stop. One of those people* is going to be a constant presence in your life, whether you like it or not. So choose wisely.

*broadly defined