Magic: The Gathering Cards That Are Expensive While Also Being Useless

Magic: The Gathering's reserved list is special. And I don't mean that in a good way. If you are not aware, the cards on the reserved list are never going to be reprinted. And you know what happens to a thing when it is rare, right? Especially when that thing is made of cardboard... It sells for ungodly amounts of money.

Initially, this list did include some of the big names. Things like the Black Lotus. These cards are "useless" in that they are banned from basically every format. However, this feels a little cheap to me, as the card effect of something like a Black Lotus is still quite strong. So, instead, the cards on this list typically fall into the camp of older cards that were, at one point, rather potent, but have become less viable over time.

Field Of Dreams

While some other cards on this list have similar cards that exist for cheaper, this is, flat-out, the only example of a card that is simultaneously expensive while also having an identical effect to a cheaper card. The Lantern of Insight is quite simply better than Field of Dreams. Hell, just to rub it in, it is also colorless. That's right, unless you are playing a format that limits you to specifically only playing with the Legends set, then there is literally no reason for you to use this card.

Also, while both cards will force everyone to play with the top card of their decks revealed, The Lantern of Insight also has the added ability of allowing you to sacrifice it and force a player of your choosing to shuffle their deck. Oh, and did I mention that it only costs three dollars? The art of Field of Dreams isn't that nice, guys.

King Suleiman

King Suleiman was a beast in his day. He countered all the best cards from his era. While calling him "useless" now is a bit of a stretch, as he could still be useful for countering a Djinn-heavy deck. How many of those are you running into?

He's still legal, but he's over a hundred bucks, and what you get for that is an absurdly circumstantial card. Unless you are an old school sicko, or a collector, there is no reason for you to splash out that kind of money.

Falling Star

Falling Star is equal parts majestic and stupid. On one hand, when I read about Falling Star I am immediately struck by how novel it is. However, my second thought is how grateful I am that there aren't that many cards that rely on this kind of gimmick.

As for its competitive viability, Falling Star is basically banned in everything. You can't even play this one in vintage. Any format it isn't banned in will also allow the Chaos Orb, which is a better version of it. However, Chaos Orb does make Falling Star look like a budget option. So, pick your poison, I guess. Or don't pick either poison? Because poison is bad?

Thunder Spirit

I assume power creep had to have been the undoing of this one, because you can spend thirty cents and get a Flying Raptor that only costs one mana to summon and is nearly as strong as the Thunder Spirit.

Or, you know, you could splash out $20 and grab yourself Gisela, the Broken Blade, who costs one more mana, nearly doubles the Thunder Bird's stats, is a legendary, and has Lifelink while also being a flying creature with first strike. Thunder Spirit is quite simply another piece of cardboard exclusively for collectors and Old School players.

Ifh-Biff Efreet

This is, functionally, a pretty simple card. Trade mana for damage. There. Done. Now, maybe if you know you are playing against a flying deck, you could build around Ifh-Biff Efreet. Hell, set up an infinite mana loop, and you could use this card as a wincon.

However, you could also do that with a Rocket Launcher, which will cost you fifty cents. Paying over $200 for Ifh-Biff Efreet is absolutely absurd. This is another one for collectors and Old School players exclusively.

Old Man Of The Sea

Magic: The Gathering is increasingly less focused on creatures. While I'm sure you can picture some magical string of cards that could allow you to take control over your opponent's most powerful creature and turn it against them, there is no reality in which it would be worth the trouble.

I could see building a novelty deck around this card, but not at $250! Yikes!

Chaos Orb

Chaos Orb is just like Falling Star, except it is colorless, cheaper, and destroys the permanents it lands on. Basically, it is just better in every way. Unfortunately, it is identical to the Falling Star in that it is unplayable in nearly every format.

So, like so many of the cards on this list, this is for collectors and Old School players exclusively. But... It's $1500. And that's the cheapo, white frame version. Surely, you could put that money toward something better, right?

You can get the anniversary edition, which is not tournament legal, for $379.99. Wow. What a steal. Read that last bit in a sarcastic voice, please.

Juzam Djinn

Juzam Djinn is absolutely fine. I mean, he's not good, but he's a 5/5 that costs four mana to summon. It is hard to imagine you'd want to put Juzam Djinn in your deck in almost any format. Unless, that is, you are specifically playing in the Old School format.

However, it was very good at one point. In its day, it was the best creature in the entire game. So, when it comes down to it, Juzam Djinn has the most powerful ability of them all: it secretly has the nostalgic keyword, giving it a massive buff to its value. Which, by the way, is shockingly close to $2000.