Ron-Tweedie

KM 400 (1966) | UCLA student film (This is neither here nor there, but pardon me while I fill in some empty space and invent things that will take up that space. I'm not on it today. No. Not at all. Emotionally, intellectually, none of that supposedly "good" stuff. I need to pull myself together, seriously. Maybe take those meds and make some other changes in my life, like start clearing out the sleaze and all the other useless foolishness. Worse than useless actually, potentially harmful, though no one knows how harmful. I could probably use therapy to help me focus, and, most importantly I need to take the whole thing seriously, I mean, for a change. I don't really think I'm anywhere near as far gone as the public seems to think, but be reasonable, who couldn't benefit from some serious house cleaning and a sincere self-re-evaluation. Stop fighting everything, all it does is stop you from doing anything.) [DEVIATION]

Let me hear your war cry [DEVIATION] This thing really freaked me out, and I think I truly lost my mind and was legitimately insane for quite a while there. What a mess. I still can't believe it, but at least I'm starting to understand why everyone goes along with the whole thing. It seems a lot of powerful forces are involved. That's the one part of all this that really puzzled me: why people seemed willing to go along with something so totally wrong on every level. I don't understand any of the mechanics or physics involved, but it seems everyone does it, and it's accepted. It's a very weird part of the culture. Certain people are in the know, while others are kept on the outside, and everyone just watches them for amusement. "Ha ha! Look at that bumbling fool! He's not 'in the know' like us!" I don't know what's sillier, what I just wrote and how it's written, or what I was actually writing about. I feel like I'm in one of those black-and-white dream sequences from old movies, with

on, I noticed that I could get away with things I shouldn't have, but I was too scared to go down that road, since I felt it was really a trap, a setup. Besides, all that sneaking around makes me nervous as hell, and I'd hate to get an ulcer. "Why should we worry about doing the right thing when we can change the definition of what the 'right thing' is?" They'd given my life a meaning. In fact, it was forced on me. I was never given any kind of choice; I was never even supposed to realize what was going on. I have to wonder if I was the first, or even the only, victim of this arrangement. I mean, how common is it? Eh, I guess people accepted the phenomenon long ago and have grown bored of it. Even though everyone acts very blasé about the whole business now, I recall that quite a few people acted very weird, with a kind of subdued excitement, when meeting or even just seeing me for the first time. Based on that, I don't think it was a totally conventional arrangement. Anyway, it