News of tumblr’s death is always premature. Another great article from @elizabethminkel!

1) get ublock origin (the only way to navigate the internet without exploding)

2) click on its little extension icon

3) click on the little dropper icon for “element picker mode”

4) get that little bastard

I am real close to just posting users in a callout if they fail the perception check.

How do I rig a Turing test so people have to prove they exist before they follow me. I am literally looking at your following lists to see if it's a coherent set so I can guess if you contain organs.

If you are new: We aren't trying to be assholes. We would love to be welcoming. I support your presence, and I don't mind if you use a hollow blog to follow from. and then you use side blogs to post. That's cool. You do you. But. Y'all. With all possible love: You are indistinguishable from the enemy right now, and we're used to showing no mercy.

Just add a note. Make your blog name 'stealthy follow blog' or 'im new' or 'i'm human stop blocking me' and put a picture of a random object. I don't need to know what you post about. But I am very worried you do not posses any bones, and you are hard failing on insight checks.

tumblr BLAST. for 5 bucks a month, whenever a blaze post of yours would be blocked by tumblr shield, it instead appears in all caps at the top of the shielded person’s dashboard for an hour and flashes violently whenever they try to block it

tumblr POSSESS. for 200$ a day you can post using another person’s blog, though you cannot change their blog in any other way nor delete their previous posts. at the end of the day they receive half of the 200 dollars

tumblr TRUE SIGHT. for 6$ monthly you can see when a blog is possessed. tumblr SCRY. for 30$ a day you can read other blogs’ private messages

tumblr POWER WORD KILL. for a one time payment of 6,666 bucks, you can delete another blog entirely. tumblr notifies all of that blog’s mutuals that you killed them. each user can only use this feature once, and thereafter loses the ability to use any of the other tumblr spells. you must have been a user for at least 10 years to use this feature

tumblr UNDENIABLE SUMMONS. for 35$ you enchant a blog such that they cannot post again until they answer your ask. alternatively, you can simply set a price point of your choosing which they will receive if they choose to answer the ask (though they are not obligated to)

tumblr ENTHRALL. for 4$ a month you can use gifs as your icon again

tumblr FAMILIAR. for 5$ a month, you summon a small, cute familiar—such as a crab, snail, owl or frog—which can carry small messages onto your mutuals’ dashboards for you. owning a familiar also protects you from being tumblr POSSESSed by anyone but your own mutuals

tumblr REFLECT. for a one time payment of 100 dollars, the next time someone attempts to use POWER WORD KILL on you, they are deleted instead. there is no way of knowing whether someone has this feature active

Update: you can turn it off in Settings > Dashboard! This option was not there last night lol

this genuinely helps a lOt

p.s. fuck you, apple

i’ve figured it out. the spambots are spores. we have to burn them before they germinate into fully grown staff.

I have blocked+reported 27 different “staff123456″ tumblr staff spam accounts in the past 2 days. Seriously where did they all come from. When will they die out.