kindness is strategic and necessary

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
niftybottle
homosexfag-moved-deactivated202

gayboyfriend

I cant stop reciting this and then laughing so hard I cry

vrson

transcript:

I firmly believe all the best stories happen at WalMart self checkout, I was there at 3 in the morning one time buying Froot Loops, and there was a tall, tall country dad there and his little 5 year old daughter.

And when buying my Froot Loops, I dropped them. And I said "fuck. my loops." And I remember, like, in the back hearing, [gruffer, southern accented voice] "Yeah! Dont be afraid to speak!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "What?"

And he was like, [accented voice] "Youre angry, about your cereal. Say it. Say Fuck with your chest!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "...Fuck!" and his little daughter was like [less gruff accented voice] "Yeah my daddy lets me say Bitch!"

tagged for liebsteface

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#tagged for liebsteface

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hussyknee

Anonymous asked:

i'm so confused rn, can you explain the goncharov thing?? i get off tumblr for five minutes

hussyknee answered:

(Edits closed as of 28 Nov.)

Lmaoooo

Nah I getchu. So this post has been circulating for like two years:

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post. The OP is by @zootycoon with a cat-eared computer icon. At the top is a close-up of a white person holding up a black hightop sneaker tongue to display the label. In an all-caps font like a movie poster, the sewn on label reads: “<in black>THE GREATEST MAFIAMOVIE EVER MADE <in red> MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS <in black, bold> GONCHATOV <black subtext> DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION A FILM BY NATTED JWHJ0715 ABOUT THE NAPLES MAFIA” The body of the text reads: “i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck” The reblog below it is from @loseremo with a green fruit icon. The addition is simply a screenshot of a comment from dark mode from @abandonedambition with a trans flag Azrael head icon. It reads: “this idiot hasn’t seen goncharov” /End ID]ALT

Link to post.

But yesterday, it had inspired someone to do this:

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by @beelzeebub with a white, brown-haired person wearing round shades as their icon. The post is a very convincing mock-up of a 1970’s mafioso film, with most of the details taken from the original shoe. The featured actors listed at the top are Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Gene Hackman, and Harvey Keitel. The title is riddled with bullet holes and reads in all caps: [in black] MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS [in red] GONCHAROV [subtext, black] A FILM BY MAYYEO JWHJ O715 The quote off to the side is in red, and reads in all caps: WINTER COMES TO NAPLES. The body of the poster features a pink gradient sky. On the right is a landscape of block apartments; to left is a far off shot of whar looks like Saint Basil’s Cathedral. The main figure is a white man with slicked back brown hair and a trimmed mustache in an overcoat, holding a submachine gun (Robert De Niro). Around him, going clockwise, is a white man with short, unstyled hair and an eyepatch over his left eye (Harvey Keitel); a man with black hair and a black tuxedo holding an unidentified object (John Cazale); a white man with dark brown hair in a grey suit with red vest and tie, smoking (Al Pacino); a white man with a full brown mustache wearing a Soviet ushanka and a heavy grey coat, holding a handgun (Gene Hackman); and a blonde white woman (Cybil Shepherd) wearing a light grey fur coat and red lipstick. In front of the characters and bordering the bottom of the poster is a black line partially on fire, with an unidentifiable civilian car up in flames. Below this is a quote reading, in all caps: [In black]“THE GREATEST MAFIA MOVIE EVER MADE.” [In red]A DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION The film credits read as follows: Robert De Niro as “Lo Straniero/Goncharov” Al Pacino as “Mario Ambrosini” Harvey Keitel as “Andrey ‘The Banker’ Daddano” Gene Hackman as “Valery Michailov” John Cazale as “Joseph 'Ice Pick Joe’ Morelli” and Cybil Shepherd as “Katya” Written by MATTEO JWHJ0715 Produced by DOMENICO PROCACCI Directed by MARTIN SCORSESE Production Services by BEELZ Below this fabricated and convincingly aged movie poster, the post reads: Goncharov (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese [In italics] “The greatsst mafia movie (n)ever made.” /End ID]ALT

Link to post.

Next thing I knew there were fake Letterboxed reviews.

Goncharov moodboards. Really good ones.

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @fircyk with a statue head as their icon. The post reads: “goncharov (1973) was just. ok let’s put robert de niro, cybill shepherd and al pacino in a fucked up murderous love triangle in italy. /End ID]ALT

Link to post.

Meta analysis. So many fake meta essays. Disturbingly good ones. And of course the memes. (Edit: HAVE I SAID THIS SHIT IS DISTURBING)

As you can see, the myth just started to grow, characters and ships and tropes being added one after the other, almost bizzarely without contradiction, until there was enough of shape to the whole thing for people to start posting fanfic about it on AO3. “No beta we die like ice-pick Joe” is already a tag.

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @hanniecat922, featuring a white person with fluffy hair steepling their fingers. The post reads: "Say what you want about Ice Pick Joe, but we stan a guy who: 1. Knows what he wants to do (stab ppl) 2. Knows how he wants to do it (with an ice pick). Best character in Goncharov (1973) by far. Y'all can fight me about it. The tags at the bottom read: #goncharov1973 #goncharov (1973) #goncharov #john cazale /End ID]ALT

Link to post.

It was hilarious in the beginning, but the way it’s developed within less than a day, kind of like it’s being willed into existence, is freaking me out a bit. We’re toying with powers beyond our comprehension. 😂😂😂

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @grazdan with a swirling galaxy as their icon. The post starts with a faked news screenshot, supposedly panning down the (still very false) Goncharov (1973) movie poster. It is supposedly being broadcast live, with a breaking news title is cut off, partially reading: "GONCHAROV II: KATYA’S REVENGE” IN …“ The time is 16:06. The scrolling news bar at the bottom reads: "ELON MUSK FOUND DEAD IN A DUMPSTER AFTER PROCLAIMING HE WILL BUY TUMBLR.C …” Below this fake “screenshot”, the post reads in all caps: “OH MY GOD YOU GUYS SCORCESE IS FINALLY DOING IT AFTER 49 years!!!!!!” /End ID]ALT

Link to post.

Of course, there could be an ulterior motive as well.

IMAGE 6 [Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by @notsolstice with a wailing ghost gremlin as their icon. The post reads: “are we welcoming new users to this website by posting abput the 1973 hit martin scorsese presents goncharov the greatest mafia movie ever made or is that just a coincidence.” The tags below read: #gunshots are all fine and well but sometimes a bagpipe rehearsal works even better #that bagpipe’s name? goncharov (1973) #unreality /End ID]ALT

Link to post (tags mine).

Edit: guys, please tag these posts “unreality” so people with disassociation issues can filter them out (not this one, this is an explainer). <3

———————————————-

Edit 2: Aparently the boots in the original post are actually referring to a movie called Gomorrah that came out in 2008, directed by Mateo Garrone, based on the Scampia Feud. And other people had also been making posts about the fake movie for a while before the poster took off.

found by @thepotch

[Image description: a sepia-toned, vintage looking movie poster. <headline in bold black letters> "THE GREATEST MAFIA MOVIE EVER MADE." <small font> – Stephen Schaefer, Boston Herald. MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS <huge font>GOMORRAH <smaller impact font, names in red> A DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION + A FILM BY MATTEO GARRONE BASED ON THE BEST SELLING EXPOSÉ BY ROBERTO SAVIANO ABOUT THE NAPLES MAFIA The poster is dominated by a man wearing only speedo and sneakers, carrying a large handgun, facing away from the viewer, walking into what seems like a stark, desert landscape, head bowed. <In smaller text below, to the right side of the poster> OFFICIAL ENTRY ITALY BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM ACADEMY AWARDS 2008 <beside that, encircled in a laurel wreath> WINNER GRAND PRIX CANNES FILM FESTIVAL 2008 <names in capitals in print worn almost too light to see>TONI SERVILLO, GIANFELICE IMPARATO, MARIA NAZIONALE, SALVATORE CATANTALUPO, GIGIO MORRA, SALVATORE ABRUZZESE, MARCO MACOR, CIRO PETRONE, CARMINE PATERNOSTER IFC FILMS presents a FANDANGO production in collaboration with RAI CINEMA <Smaller almost incipherable text lists credits for story, screenplay, director> <bottom text>Produced with the support of Ministero per i beni culturali e ambientali – Departmente dello Specttacolo Developed with the support of the Media Programme of the European Community Based on the novel GOMORRAH by ROBERTO SAVIANO Poblished in US by Farrar Straus & [unclear] [tiny logos of the various studios involved]/End ID]ALT

Edit 3: Explainer: why did those boots have this movie on them anyway?

Edit 4: Alt text added to all images courtesy of @valentineish ❤️

Edit 5: Turns out tumblr has done this kind of thing before. Nine years in this hell place and I had to have “Squiddles” and penis smp explained in the replies.

Edit 6: This post collects the Lore so far.

Edit 7: Lynda Carter (real one)/ earns more/ Tumblr cred.

Edit 8: Holy shit y'all we have the theme music. With sheet music. And it’s on Spotify!

Edit 9: THERE IS A TRAILER WITH THE THEME MUSIC

———————————————-

I made this post 18 hours after the movie poster went up. Closed edits 27 hours after first posting. So all of the above happened within 45 hours of the movie poster going up.

Edit 10: Google document live-compiling all the lore so far (Day 3)

Edit 11: Masterpost of Goncharov soundtracks (Day 3)

Edit 12: Entertainment news articles covering the Gonch-posting (real) (Contd from yday)

Edit 13: The music from the masterpost all compiled into a 31-minute original score with video edits on YouTube (edit: unfortunately taken down)

Edit 14: Staff’s Goncharov art showcase for Tumblr Tuesday

As of closing on Day 3 there are 371 works in the AO3 tag.

—–

Updating with Day 3 shenanigans I missed yesterday:

Edit 15: Goncharov TV Tropes page

Edit 16: Ethics of Gonchposting

Edit 17: Character lore from beezlebub whose poster they originated from

Edit 18: What we know about/ Director Matteo JWHJ0715 (#unreality)

Edit 19: Link to post with screenshotted and described NYT article (scroll down) and this golden exerpt from BuzzFeed: 💀

Screenshot of article reading: Tumblr user tsscat compiled a “Goncharov Lore Masterpost,” listing all the known theories and plot lines, which was edited to say “BUZZFEED DO NOT MINE THIS POST FOR CONTENT” at the top after BuzzFeed News requested to chat with them about it. So we’ll just link that here.ALT

(alt text included)

End of Day 4 there are now 485 works in the Goncharov tag on AO3

—-

Didn’t get to update this on Day 5, so these are the Day 5 doings:

More trailers!

I also just found out about the Goncharov Game Jam.

Website Logo: an icon of a basket with a video game controller inside it, beside which is written "itch.io" Header:Goncharov Game Jam Hosted by Autumn Chen Center text: Submissions open from November 21st 2022 at 1:30 AM to December 5th 2022 at 1:30 PM Submissions due in <in separate counters> 9 days 11 hours 30 minutes 20 seconds Big red button in the middle says "join jam" /ID]ALT

It appears this opened a day after after the meme took off.

Goncharov was first entered into Wikipedia between Day 4 and 5 (attempts to vandalise it with fake info don’t count, incidentally – please knock that shit off) under List of Internet Phenomena. This was then expanded into its own Wikipedia page at the end of Day 5 because, according to the talk history: “the topic now meets the notability threshold for its own artice due to significant coverage in The New York Times and other sources cited.” We’re on Wikipedia, people!

And then we made The Guardian half a day later. So while the meme is definitely dying down to embers by now, it still stays winning.

YouTube channels with episodes on the meme:

InformOverlord (4:30)

Lessons in Meme Culture (2:43)

End of Day of 5 there were 511 works on AO3, and End of Day 6 (today) there are 556.

–

🚨BREAKING 🚨 from Martin Scorsese’s daughter’s TikTok (real actual)

tw: unreality:

We did it you guys!

Clarification: Francesca Scorcese asked her Dad about the meme and Martin played along. Please reblog this PSA to help Tumblr people with psychosis. Thanks.

Final edit: Day 8. Media reactions to Scorcese’s TikTok (everyone from Forbes to Vulture). That one Tumblr user who said they’d do a screenplay if their post got notes has promised to shoot a single scene, but please don’t be dicks just because you reblogged it; leave them alone until they get around to it themselves. As of end of Day 8 there are 609 works in the AO3 tag. I love all you lunatics. Peace! ❤️

goncharov 1973 goncharov tumblr lore tagged for liebsteface
lilolilyr
tiktoksthataregood-ish

playdoh-plato

I follow this tiktok account and I would like to inform you all that she is a British lesbian, he’s a French gay guy, they’re pretty much complete opposites, but they live in an apartment together and have a weirdly amazing friendship. It’s currently one of my favorite things I’ve ever seen on the Internet.

benevolentbridgetroll

some days start off normal and others start with finding out one of your facebook friends pretends to be french online for tiktok clout

swampwitchrice

I’m literally famous for falling on my goth ass. Love that for me

tagged for liebsteface
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