The Universe ends up bein’ one humorous jokester, after the fact.

After seven long, agonizing months of anxiety over being able to pay the rent, the agency who was trying to find me an apartment-mate finally found somebody, and he moved in on April 1st. Hallelujah.

He’s 23, so a year older than my last roomie’s son. Turns out he grew up here, and…wait for it….used to work at the dispensary I go to, and probably waited on me once. And he’s very into the culture/industry, and has this incredibly intricate glass bong that’s at least two feet tall. And here I was worried the new person wouldn’t like weed. lulz.

This is also his “first place of his own” out of his parents’ house, so he’s excited. We have a lot in common, and we’ve gotten along great so far. He’s a self-described “Alameda Kid”, he also cooks, and much to my surprise knows how to care for cast iron, which is a big relief! I think next after the rent being paid, getting somebody who knows how to care for cast iron is helping me relax more. lulz.

The night he moved in I made my Mexican beans and rice and made some tortillas, and baked a loaf of my blueberry-banana bread, so he likes my cooking so far. lulz. We accomplished our first joint grocery run to GroceOut the morning after he moved in, it went swimmingly, he got his stuff, I got mine, no conflicts.

He’s really active, so is out doing things and connecting with his friends again, as he’s been in Sacramento for a few months. He’s gone most of the day or in the process of going/coming/going…it’s made me realize that I’ve forgotten how much energy I used to have when I was 23.

Yesterday afternoon, I took a walk down the street to Dan’s Produce stand and made out like a bandit at the discount rack. Whatever they have there is always a buck a bag, and I found three bags of huge Hatch-ish chiles, the thick, meaty kind, a dozen in all for three bucks, got a bag of onions, a big bag of broccoli crowns, etc. Also got some regular-priced stuff for the meals I’m gonna prep for this next week, all in all two big bags of veggies for just over $20 on the EBT.

Realized after I got back from the walk that my whole body was just screamin’ at me for having the audacity to actually move.

“Hello ibuprofen my old friend…I’ve come to talk with you again…”

My body is still “thawing out” from having the stress-chemicals be flowing nonstop for so long. I think last night, as I sunk into bed, I felt my body finally “let go”, and literally surrender to the force of gravity…for a moment, until I realized it.

One of my body’s “fight or flight” responses is to hold itself rigidly at all times, even as I’m falling asleep, to the point of not breathing. “If you don’t move, it/they won’t get you.” That takes an incredible amount of energy and the bodily tension results in real pain.

To finally not be feeling that, even for a brief moment, was nice.

The process of thawing out is gonna take awhile…seven months of adrenaline and cortisol and whatever the fuck all chemicals stress into you: It’s gonna take awhile, and it’s gonna suck until it’s over, but the little tiny bits of “it’s ok, you’re ok, stop gripping the fear” that surface will (hopefully) be cumulative.

I think I am gonna just chill the rest of today. No going anywhere, no being “on stage”. Just self-care, recoup/recovery. Nap and snack.

Hell, I might even play a record or three.