Todd Smalls is a reporter for the Daily Times; specialising in celebrity news, gossip, and marketing. Article originally posted on 6/16/96; last updated on 6/24/96

When Mr. Arno Dun opened his door to let me into his tiny downtown flat, up on the twelve story and with that last-century ‘one-bedroom’ antique layout, even I was starstruck.

I’ve done interviews with everyone from CEOs to world leaders to the faces of A-list actor-musicians, but this was The. Arno. Dun. I, like most of our readers, grew up seeing his face on every box of cereal, snack bar, every ad both at home and on the street.

The face of the The Most Likeable Man, whose likeness had been leased by a a tenth of all companies in existence, lived in an apartment that was not worth the price of one minute of his own face.

The first thing he said to me, he confessed, was that he couldn’t afford his own likeness either.

“I kick myself every day for letting that clause stay in the contract,” he told me. “I didn’t realize at the time, or I thought, or hoped, that they weren’t serious about not letting me use my own face for personal use.”

The room we were sitting in was nice enough, well-lit, and with family photos on a nearby desktop. While the grown children in the group photos shared close resemblance with Dun, his face was, of course, notably absent.

“I spent half my royalty money buying an old cottage out in the middle of nowhere,” Dun said. “but that just made everything worse. People looked at my face, and wouldn’t leave me alone. Here, at least,” he gestured out the window at the city around us, “there’s more people to blend in with, so I don’t stand out as much. plus, most people are using ARG or some other, so I can go shopping in peace, most days.”

“And,” he added, smiling wryly, “at least no one asks for a photo.”

Q: what made you decide to sell your likeness?

A: it seemed like a lot of money for very little effort at the time, so of course I said yes immediately.

A: Wish I had a lawyer read the the contract before signing, now, but a part of me thinks if I had asked to change anything they would have just moved on to someone dumb to sign it at that first meeting. Hah! I guess I was that dumb*** (swears have been auto-omitted, courtesy of cleanAirBroadcasting™)

There had been thousands of people who had signed similar contracts, nearly every single one for far less money than he, but it didn’t seem the right time to remind him of such info.

Q: but was it a good payout, once you add in royalties?

A: Royalties…..well, some years it was enough that I didn’t need to work, or only needed to work part-time, but they expired at the 50-year mark….hah! When I was young I thought 50 years was impossibly far in the future, and that getting old was for other people. Now look at me.

I did.

It was interesting, after seeing over 50 years of pre-aging for various brand and demographic-nicheing needs, how the most famous face in the world had actually ended up looking. More frown lines, and a saggier neck.

Still, a face rated most appealling to Broad Demographic Marketing aged more gracefully than most could ever hope for.

Q: so you’ve worked other jobs then?

A: oh for sure, sure– whatever I found, here and there. I used to like working with people, but with my limitations, it’s made that rather difficult. Nowadays I work for ******* (company name has been auto-omitted, courtesy of cleanMarketRelavance™), which is hard work, for someone of my age, but what can you do?

Q: How do you feel about the alternate-face clause, over half a century into the contract?

A: I don’t mind it most of the time, to be honest. It means I don’t show up in the background of stranger’s videos as myself, so at least I never go viral that way. But…

at this he paused.

A: I don’t like it when I want to be in a photo. with my friends. with my family. I don’t like seeing a stranger’s face in the middle of them, instead of me.

[The banner image, which under usual contract compliance included an ai-generated random stand-in face, was edited to a pixelated mirage on 6/24/96, at the request of Mr. Dun.]