Pinned
I finally finished that poem I started awhile back.
The Productions of the Gurstein-Mills Theater
I nearly killed him for the role of Romeo back in ‘07.
He got it anyway.
I couldn’t think of a way to stab him discreetly.
We did a table read
And I kept mindlessly aiming the sharp end of my pencil at the veins in his wrist.
Onstage,
I thought too much about the sword strapped against my hip
And almost fucked up my lines four times.
I actually threatened him over the role of Orestes in ‘09.
The company said there’d be no legal action
If I stayed out of that year’s season.
It was a damn shame.
I really liked the Greek plays.
I was Edgar the next year.
He was Edmund.
For once, I was the legitimate one.
My cousin saw that production and asked who played the bastard.
During the last show,
I managed to land a hit on his forehead with the hilt of my sword.
He missed his next cue.
He left the theater in 2015.
Said he had to spend time with his mom in Oregon.
This was just fine by me.
Fantasizing about killing him had gotten a little repetitive.
I’d stopped trying to get at him
And just started staring menacingly
And hoping he got the gist of it.
I was never any less angry,
Just tired.
During the winter of 2017,
We pulled together a production of Macbeth.
I still couldn’t land a leading role.
They gave me Banquo.
The reviews were shit.
I looked out into the audience one night.
There were the two usual critics in their blazers and chunky necklaces,
The little kids who were probably too young for this play,
And him.
Back from Oregon, I guess.
He rejoined the company for the 2018 season.
Before the cast list was revealed,
He emailed me something that looked heartfelt and wordy.
I read the first and last paragraphs.
It was something about growing as a person and moving forward.
This was the sort of bullshit I missed.
He’d still be Hamlet,
I’d be Claudius or something,
And he’d talk like we’re on the exact same page.
I was Richard III in 2019.
I asked him if he wished he’d gotten this role.
He said Richard suits me and that he wouldn’t stand in my way.
I poked and prodded him for awhile.
I asked all the worst questions.
“What do you think of your role?”
“Isn’t there one you’d rather have?”
“Didn’t you audition with a Richard III monologue a while ago?”
He got bored, gave me a pat on the back, and walked away.
I started to wonder if I’d read the cast list wrong.
We had Twelfth Night lined up for 2020.
We didn’t even know our parts when the theater temporarily shut down.
Obviously, I’d been eyeing the Duke Orsino’s lines,
But that was more out of obligation
Than a love for the character.
Maybe I’d have gotten lucky just this time.
Honestly, there wasn’t much else I wanted from that play,
Just a main role.
I suppose I was satisfied for awhile with no one getting a main role.
In 2022, we brought everyone back for Coriolanus.
I was Aufidius, of course.
Who the titular character went to was a surprise to fucking nobody.
At that point, there wasn’t anything else to say.
Rehearsals started.
I nearly dozed off backstage a few times.
Nobody was ever really happy with Act 4 scene 5.
I couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of me
Standing stage right of him,
Rambling about how I dreamed of meeting him in battle
And how I “waked half dead with nothing.”
To me, it felt like ‘07
And- god!- I didn’t want to be 24 again.
Romeo and Juliet is back for round two in 2023.
He isn’t Romeo.
Neither am I.
They’re trying out some new kid this year.
We both agree they could’ve chosen better.
