Emo Nerd

choose your fav puppy

This is universal. This comedy transcends time and language.

Hes right

#my guy lost knife priviledges real fast

Mama void with all of her voidlings 🖤🐈

this duck LOVES pink drink

I have a new theory about the true identity of D. B. Cooper

I promise I didn't disappear, I just don't have any impulse control and started several at once again haha

One must always pay the cheese tax

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

it’s 2028. trump is dead. elon is dead. zuckerberg is dead bezos is dead they’re all dead

Like to charge reblog to cast

does it have to involve radiation

I cant stop reciting this and then laughing so hard I cry

transcript:

I firmly believe all the best stories happen at WalMart self checkout, I was there at 3 in the morning one time buying Froot Loops, and there was a tall, tall country dad there and his little 5 year old daughter.

And when buying my Froot Loops, I dropped them. And I said "fuck. my loops." And I remember, like, in the back hearing, [gruffer, southern accented voice] "Yeah! Dont be afraid to speak!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "What?"

And he was like, [accented voice] "Youre angry, about your cereal. Say it. Say Fuck with your chest!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "...Fuck!" and his little daughter was like [less gruff accented voice] "Yeah my daddy lets me say Bitch!"

rb to tell prev they're being so brave right now and pat their head a little please

she destroyed all of the stuffed animals except for this one

how it started vs how it's going