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no longer lurking in my Lerkim

@cutestkilla / cutestkilla.tumblr.com

She/her / Generation Catalano / Sometimes I make art (#my art) / Sometimes I write (#my writing) / NSFW content / Mostly Simon Snow Series (#carry on)

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Happy, happy birthday to my wonderful friend Ashton @artsyunderstudy!

I love you so much and treasure our friendship so much, and I hope you have the most wonderful birthday. Not only are you amazingly talented in every conceivable way, but you're just one of the coolest, smartest, most thoughtful people I know. So, I'm writing this story for you. There's a certain podcast that holds a special place in your heart. And my gift to you is this story about it (or something a whole lot like it) holding a special place in Simon's and Baz's hearts too.

Rating: Mature

Words: ~73K

Chapters: 7/8

Summary:

Ever since their truce fell apart in eighth year, Simon and Baz have been stuck. Chained to the past, hiding from their regrets, unable to step forward into the future. When a chance encounter reunites them, they find themselves falling right back into old patterns of behaviour. Until something completely unexpected brings them closer—a shared interest in a psychology podcast called Invisible Mind.

And as Simon and Baz begin to understand their own hidden depths, they also realise maybe they don't need to hide from each other.

Or start from Ch 1 / Ch 2 / Ch 3 / Ch 4 / Ch 5 / Ch 6

Chapter 7 is now live!

Presenting the part of the story (aka the smutty part and also the sad part) I wanted to gift @artsyunderstudy for her birthday this year which was ... 2.5 weeks ago now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STILL ASHTON!! ILYSM ❤️❤️❤️.

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I still haven't watched Severance but congratulations to the fandom for getting a Blorbo who did end up crying, soaking wet in a suit and tie, and covered in blood at the end of the show. This is like getting a superbowl ring but for fandom I think.

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Behold.. My List!

I also would like to join in the movie poll fun please. I'm not a cinephile, or a movie snob, but I feel like my taste is fairly broad, so I'm sure there's at least one film here you've seen and loved. (And probably at least one that will leave you scratching your head.)

Ain't diversity of opinions beautiful?

Fun Fact: Animalympics was responsible for my first introduction to fan fiction. My brother used to make up stories about the adventures of the Calamari Brothers for me 💙🦑

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Thank you @iamamythologicalcreature @blackberrysummerblog @rimeswithpurple @youarenevertooold and ever single person who’s tagged me the last month as I was completely overwhelmed and unable to write a damn thing. I appreciate you all. Don’t ever stop because even when I don’t respond it makes my day.

As you can read above… it’s been a lot lately. Normally work would be slowing down but that just doesn’t seem to be the case and by the time I get home I’m just ready to sleep. But I can’t cuz usually Teenage Odd has something going on.

I’m tired

That’s what it boils down to.

But such is life and the other night I couldn’t sleep as scenes from most of my many WIP flooded my head. I woke up and scribbled them down so I wouldn’t lose them and I’d like to share one that will probably go into Questions We Don’t Ask. Good luck reading my midnight scribbles but it’s all I got:

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Pitch Manor Madness (aka WIP Wednesday)

Hi! How are you? It's been a minute, hasn't it. I want to enthusiastically thank @blackberrysummerblog, @leithillustration, @rimeswithpurple, @that-disabled-princess, @youarenevertooold, @fiend-for-culture, @whatevertheweather, @j-trow-95, @roomwithanopenfire, and everyone who has remembered I exist and continues to tag me on these wipsday things. I don't always get to read, and sometimes i read but can't comment, but I love having them there for when I need a fandom boost!

I have been working on several things lately, pretty much daily, so Snowbaz is never really that far from my mind, even if I'm not super active on Tumblr with it all. Today I'm highlighting my ongoing love affair project with Pitch Manor. Yup. It's never over, y’all.

More under the cut!

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Happy Wednesday all! I’m having another banger week; yesterday I successfully caught a momma cat in the sleeting rain after the finder wouldn’t let us leave her kittens out for her—“I’ll throw them in the dumpster,” was what they told Animal Control, I believe. Lovely. But I brought her back with me and reunited her with her feisty 3-week-old litter. Then, this Friday some colleagues and I are taking a field trip to a local casino for the sole purpose 😇 of sussing out their catios. We’re revamping the ones here at the shelter and I am indescribably psyched to be coming up with plans; it’s going to look so good!

Having said that, I haven’t done much writing, but I do have a little bit of the final (it better be) chapter of Pull Yourself Together that I can share. Simon and Baz are having a pretty good week, too. Thanks for the tags, @jyae23, @rimeswithpurple, @facewithoutheart, and @youarenevertooold!

I can’t stop kissing Baz. I’ve kissed him until my mouth was sore and kept coming back for more—and he seems to like it, because he lets himself melt into my arms whenever I pull him close. I pull him close in the mornings when we’re getting ready, and kiss him so hard that we’re both rumpled and late for breakfast. I pull him close in between classes, surprising him from doorways and niches in the wall—I kiss him up against columns and tapestries, walls and windows, and I’m always pulling him closer. I don’t have to pull him close in the bed, but I do anyway—I can’t be too close, I’d hold him so tight that I’d pull him into me, if I could.
I’m starving for him, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get enough.
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Thank you for the tags @youarenevertooold, @that-disabled-princess & @facewithoutheart! The kids had Monday off from school and I lost track of the days. My Cirque AU is with my betas, so I now have the headspace to get back to drawing. Mr. Purple is also reading it and I didn’t realize how weird it would be to watch someone read my writing right in front of me. He had a suggestion and I had him put it in the comments instead of discussing it 😅

A new Cirque AU means more circus artwork! Here's some Simon and Penny in athleisure wear.

And here's a Simon POV:

“Aggie told me that Baz comes from one of the old circus families. If anyone's getting sacked, it's me.” Even just saying the words makes my stomach twist. I hate thinking about leaving this place.

“Do I need to institute a quota on how much you're allowed to whinge about Baz?”

“I'm not whinging! But he is a git!”

“Because you're making spending time with my terrible siblings seem awfully appealing.” Her glasses are sliding down her nose and there's nothing to shield me from her glare.

“Fine.”

“And stop pouting.” She throws a unicorn stuffy at me.

“I'm not pouting,” I say as I hug it to my chest for emotional support, pouting.

Thanks to @monbons, I'm also dabbling with Dark Rise fanart. She recommended the series to me and I proceeded to finish both audiobooks in five days. James St. Clair is my absolute favorite character and it’s killing me not knowing when the third book is coming out!

Hugs and high fives below!

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Thanks for the tag @youarenevertooold ♥️

It’s storming here so I guess I’m awake now. I’ve been deep in novel hell but I think I’ve finally banged my head against the wall for so long it’s broken through to the other side. Looks nice over here. Oh, you’ve got snacks?

Anyway, I had several good writing sessions yesterday & @skeedelvee helped me come up with an absolute banger of a copier/printer name. Feel free to name the break room coffee machine if you’re feeling inspired!

“What are you putting in your mug? Whiskey?” Cindy, one of the first grade teachers whose last name Hawk always forgets, tries to peer around his shoulder as he pours himself a cup of coffee from the carafe.
“It’s the free shit we get every day, Cindy, now back off.” Hawk gently caresses the cartoon pig on his mug. “Piglet needs her space.”
Cindy rolls her eyes and backs away. She’s been trying to flirt with Hawk unsuccessfully since he started. Unlike with Miss Keller, he’s never been tempted. Something about Cindy rubs Hawk the wrong way; she feels like the type of person who’d jam the copier and then leave the mess for someone else to clean up.
Hawk would never leave Freddie Prints Junior in such a state.

For the longest time I haven’t been able to find my “funny” in this story but it’s starting to peek out. Or, at least I’m laughing at my own jokes. Same thing, right?? (Although, I guess in this case I’m laughing at Skee’s joke???)

Ps if you wanna follow my nightmare, I blog about my original writing journey on #swept away

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WIP Wednesday

Another week, another month, another random snippet of dialogue to add to my Gone in 60 Seconds AU. This story is getting told in bursts of a few hundred words at a time.

It's like I'm gathering bits of paper together, and at some point I'll hopefully have enough to make a pinata out of them.

It will be car shaped.

This particular piece of dialogue came to me while I was falling asleep after having had both a COVID booster, and a flu shot the same day. I felt like I'd been punched in both arms. I say this because I think the snippet is funny, but maybe I was just delirious. Baz POV.

"So are you acquainted with Braden Bodmer?" Simon stops fidgeting with the chair enough to look up at Lamb. "Intimately." "Is that a euphemism… or have you actually…" Simon's face is telling me that he's taking the piss. Lamb's face… is not. "Oh I have actually." The mouthful of tea I just took ends up sprayed onto my lap. "Jesus Christ Lamb, you didn't?!" "Now now Basilton, you know I would never lie to you." Simon has been struck momentarily speechless, but he rallies with a violently confused "Why?!" Lamb collapses onto his desk with a beleaguered sigh. "Lets just say that I was curious. A fine specimen of a man who purports to have excellent health and stamina��and let's not forget the edge of danger he brings to the table—should be an excellent fuck, no? I wondered whether all of his 'lifehacking' made him superior in the bedroom." God help me, now I'm curious. "And did it?" "Definitely not in his case. In return I gave him what I know to be one of the worst blowjobs I've ever bestowed in the hope he wouldn't bother asking for a repeat performance." Simon is practically falling off his chair with tears of laughter.

Despite the fact that Lamb runs an auto shop, and almost certainly smells like motor oil and spray paint 24/7, he still talks like an upper crust arsehole, because that's just the voice he has in my head. I dont' want to can't change it.

I feel like my tag list is probably out of date, so if anyone would like to be removed/added, please do let me know. I hope you all get to have an excellent little treat sometime this week.

No pressure tags and high fives incoming in 3...2...1...

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Six Sentence Sunday

@roomwithanopenfire, @anincompletelist and @whatevertheweather! I’m ducking in under the wire today, so I’m looking forward to checking out everything y’all are creating after I’ve gotten some sleep.

It’s been a good week! So busy, though. The past, like, three weeks, I’ve been thinking “just gotta get through this busy week,” and then surprise surprise, the following week is packed too. I need some recuperation stat. The new Lucy Dacus album came out on Friday, though, so that’s been a massive joy amidst everything 💜

Anyway—sentences. Here’s some domesticity from my TDOV fic:

By the time we’re exiting the cab—two slices lighter than when we entered—my thoughts are jumbled like a basket of unraveled yarn. Simon and I eat on the compact balcony, despite the fact that it barely fits two fold-out chairs. It’s a bit chilly now that the sun is setting. I’ve taken two bites of my pizza when Simon ducks back into the apartment. He returns with a white, heavyweight blanket and drapes it over my shoulders. 

He kisses my forehead, then dives back into his meal. We keep the box propped between our chairs.

This is getting posted tomorrow evening, so keep your eyes peeled! After that I’m hoping to seriously crack on with parent!Simon.

Sending hugs, love, and good vibes! May you all have a positively wonderful week.

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Hi, hello, I have words to share again. I'm preparing them on Thursday so that I will actually post them Sunday.

Sci-fi/horror au, remember? That was a thing I was trying to post snippets from. Snippets which leave out all the horror. Still poking at it here and there. Here's a sample.

After a moment, Baz said, “I was hoping this part of your CV was also true.” Simon’s CV had been meticulously fabricated for him when he was seventeen and the point of his life had still been a recognizable dot on the horizon. At least half of every line was false, including his name. “You know,” Simon said. “What did you think was going to happen when I checked your references?” The references had all been meant to go through his dad. There was no one left for Simon to reroute them to, so he hadn’t. “I was hoping you wouldn’t.” “Have you never applied for a job before?” Baz said, each word drawn out and dry. Like he ever had to apply for his. “Fuck off, I’ve had plenty of jobs. They just wouldn't have gotten me this one.” Simon crouched, looking at the line of the water's edge. The rock by his foot, bisected between the dusty color of bone and the slick gray under the water. A perfect, unwavering line of surface tension at the divide. “Why did you pick me, then?”

And tags below the cut <3

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Six Sentence Sunday

Yes, I am indeed still alive. I've been lurking again the last month and a bit, but it stops now! I'm finally back writing again, and I'm excited to jump back into this community again!

Thanks to everyone who's been tagging me while I've been MIA @nausikaaa, @blackberrysummerblog, @thewholelemon and @aristocratic-otter

So. Writing.

There's not been anything new on the Trails We Blaze front, but I have the next chapter ready to edit, and I am excited to jump into it (and hopefully it won't take me too long to do that, given the cliffhanger I left you all on last time - warning for spoilers if you haven't started this one yet).

But I have been writing for ASR. In the last few days I've smashed the 50k mark. Where words are concerned:

January ASR word count: 13,736

February word count: 6,468

March (so far): 4,150 words

The last three days have been great for the progress of this draft, and without further ado, here's a snippet of pure unhinged banter (Lauren POV) as the group tries to work out who to dress up as for Halloween. (Way more than 6 sentences, btw!)

“And, if we’re following along with your Master Plan as it stands, where does that leave me? As Fred?” I quirk and eyebrow at her, coupled with my best attempt at a flirty smirk. She turns up her nose. “God no. No offence, but he actually had his life together.” “Bitch—” “And anyway,” she says, cutting me off, “I really don’t wanna kiss you.” “You can’t really have a Mystery Inc group costume without Fred,” Mike points out. “Right. So I could only be Fred,” I agree. Emily thinks for a moment. “Scrappy?” “Oh fuck you!” “Ghostface?” “That’s not even the right franchise any more,” Rach laughs, and Emily’s own excitement immediately dies. “Fine. Back to the drawing board then,” she grumbles.

This chapter is going so far down the chaos rabbit hole and I'm just being dragged along for the ride.

Tagging:

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Six Sentence Sunday

Happy Sunday everybody! Thanks for the tags today @blackberrysummerblog @nausikaaa @rimeswithpurple and @jyae23 and thanks to everyone who's been tagging me lately!

i have been in a rotten mood the last couple weeks and have not done very much writing (or very much responding to ppl, sorry to everyone who's tagged me or is in my dms :( ), but i miss sharing so here's some words from my COBB

A knock sounds on the door. I expect it to be Simon come looking for me, but instead, Trixie’s voice calls out: “Baz?” “What?” I try my best to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but what is she doing here? “We’re doing partner work now. And, er, you’re supposed to be my partner.” “I’m coming. I just need—” I say, but I don’t really know what to do. I can’t go back to class without a shirt, I don’t think I can fold the wings up without Simon’s help, and I can’t cast anything to make my shirt fit me. I’m stuck. “You okay?�� “I’m fine.” Silence. And then, “Can I come in? Or should I get one of your friends? Dev or Niall?”

trixie timeeee

tags and hellos under the cut

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Hey all, I hope you're having a good weekend. Thank you @blackberrysummerblog and @nausikaaa for the lovely tags today🩵🐑 (and belated thanks to @lovelyladzzzz for the WIP wednesday tag, your COBB sneak peek of Baz being judgy filled me with glee).

This weekend I've been spending time with my mum in the garden, sketching, going on dog walks and trying to get my little ADD brain around some sewing pattern instructions for making a renaissance style doublet. (I may have to rewrite the instructions completely before I can really start sewing and focus, since contrary to it being a 'Simplicity' pattern, its actually pretty dang complicated and obscure in its wording 😅)

Work is still unfortunately slow on Snow On Ice, but my mental health is gradually improving and I finally have some new ADHD meds so hopefully they will help 🤞

Here are some more Simon POV sentences, since everything Baz has to say right now is far too miserable to share on its own:

Penny is strapping on knee pads and exclaiming over the padded leggings she’s just changed into. “I honestly didn’t think my butt and thighs could look any juicer!” She grins at me and I can’t help but crack a smile. Penny might be terrible at ice skating, but hanging out with her these first few days has been amazing. She’s so easy to talk to and laugh with. She’s whip smart (but not in a snooty way like Baz). She’s down to earth: pragmatic but without taking everything too seriously. 

I'm enjoying writing Simon and Penny getting to know each other. I love their friendship so much.

Pressure free tags and hellos under the cut (:

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Room tour time!!!

For those who don’t know, this is where crochet Snowbaz and crochet stormchaser live when they’re not going on adventures. I have a big ikea cube shelf and this room is in one of the 12 cube spots

I’m always on the look out for new items for their space, but the room is pretty set up at the moment. Enjoy some fun detail shots!

Their art collection

On the wall above their bookshelf they have portraits of Lucy, Natasha and Ebb. Illustrated by @letraspal for her women of Carry On series

On the back wall is a pride artwork by @artsyunderstudy which I originally framed for myself and then realized it would be extra cute in their room

And on the other wall is a collection of art which is mentioned in Slamming and Smashing by @cutestkilla

I bring it into our bed, and sit cross-legged arranging Simon’s treasures across the duvet, the way I used to do with my own. An old photo of his grandparents embracing in front of an RAF fighter jet. A painting of sunflowers signed in his mother’s looping script. A pair of framed Yayoi Kusama art prints.
Little details

The books on their shelf were all hand assembled by me and their inner pages are all taken from a copy of Carry On that was already partially used for collaging at SSCONE 2024

Baz’s violin was 3D printed by my mom and then painted and strung by me. The top page of sheet music is Bohemian Rhapsody. Other music in the stack include: Eleanor Rigby, Amazing Grace, and Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo

Baz’s wand is made from a broken antique ivory crochet hook, which I whittled down

The tiny goat figurines I bought at a closing art supply store and the sword I bought from Amazon

Most of the other tiny items I got while thrifting or have had since I was a kid. The little ship in a bottle was made by my great grandmother

Lucy the dog is being played by Lady from Lady and the Tramp and is being pet sat by Simon and Baz

And of course, Paddington Bear gets a place of honor on the couch

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