I think my favourite "am I the asshole" type discussions are the ones where, okay, yeah, what you claim you did sounds reasonable under the circumstances you've described, but those circumstances were so readily avoidable that I feel like we're not getting the full picture without knowing how it came to that in the first place. Like, in that situation I probably would have done the same thing, but what in the goddamn

Please does anybody have the picture of the orange kitten sitting in front of old yellowed wood paneling and it’s smiling like this. The post where I saw it went something like “little kids before they learn how to smile in photos”

this one?

THANK YOUUUUUU

one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake

i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw

Americans are so good at making Beverage. One of our Foundational Moments was actually a party involving Making Beverage. Google "Boston Tea Party" for more

wmata you may want to rethink your phrasing

Two vastly different experiences

@eastgermanhattrick booyeah

World’s first neutering [x]

No copypasta has ever ruined my life as comprehensively as Hell Fuck Castle. I write tabletop RPGs, and now every time I read a lore blurb about an ancient ruined kingdom where everything was cool until the last ruler fucked it up, my brain whispers "King Big Sad Guy, who did the Flame Thing".

This one?

Indeed, though that's not the source – as far as I'm aware, the original author is the owner of a now-defunct Tumblr blog called @animedads, who wrote it way back in 2016. You can find an archived copy of the original post on the Wayback Machine:

https://web.archive.org/web/20201119082341/http://animedads.tumblr.com/post/145547859200

(Note that the Reddit copypasta version is missing the "Dubious Grandma" attribution, which for my money is one of the best parts!)

His now. He rides at dawn.

i mean this in the gentlest possible way but if 75% of what you're posting for a given fandom is fuming rage spirals then maybe just maybe it's time to take a step back and consider whether or not you're actually having any fun with this optional thing you do for fun

This is a map of the range of all giraffe species. By my count that puts them in just 16 countries out of the 54 in Africa (of which 5 are island countries with no territory on the continental mainland). That's 30%, quite a long way shy of all, and as you can see many of those countries that do have giraffes only have a tiny portion of their territory within giraffes' habitats

Wow, I knew they weren't in "every African country", but I didn't realize just how restricted their range was

Good teachers don't mind saying "I don't know" or that they need to look it up and will get back to you.

Not only that but giraffes in different areas have different patterns and it's so cool

Masai giraffes look cool af

The Masai giraffes are stuntin’ on the heauxs!

Masai Giraffe:

Reticulated Giraffe:

This switched gears from a post about white ignorance to a giraffe appreciation post. Such is the nature of tumblr.

An update - as of July 2023, Angola has now reintroduced the Angolan giraffe into Iona National Park from the surviving population in Namibia, and reinforced the population with a second group in May 2024. Giraffes are ecosystem engineers in Angola because of their grazing habits, so once their population grows enough, they'll boost other species diversity too. It's still early days, but we're on the brink of that map needing to be expanded, which is lovely

Thera the deaf ferret gets a surprise!

This is what PURE JOY looks like.

ah, to be a deaf ferret surprised with an avalanche of toys…

poor animal caught in ferocious avalanche

Speaking of porn logistics, another personal favourite bit of fuckery is when an artist draws a picture containing multiple dicks, then produces a separate alt for every possible ejaculatory configuration, like there are four dicks and sixteen alts such that there's a version where only dick A is jizzing, a version where only dick B is jizzing, a version where dicks A and B but not C are jizzing, and so forth. I'm imagining some high-class dick connoisseur with exquisitely rarefied tastes out there like "yes, I want to see this character getting jizzed on, but only by the dick on the far left – the other dicks can wait their turn".

Some day I'm going to write a spy thriller where it turns out that the conspirators are sending coded messages via those E-Hentai galleries full of endless microscopically differing jizz alts, where each image contains four dicks and each dick serves as a one-bit component of a hexadecimal encoding.

Brb gotta encode national secrets into my hentai art

Hey fun facts that are fun together :

* as a reverse engineer, I have worked on extracting these sorts of arts from hentai games.

* the game art does this sort of thing so that the story can toggle between different versions. Maybe you didn't get enough Friendship Points with Tgirl Jessica, so she's not ejaculating in this picture.

* the games are often smarter about this than the galleries: instead of storing every combination of ejaculating/not-ejaculating, they store 1 base image, then separate per-dick ejaculatory overlays. So if you've got 4 dicks, this means they have 5 images instead of all 16 possibilities. But this makes no sense in an image gallery, so you have to compose the images together. You'd think all-off and all-on are the only options you need, but some people are content maximalists. (it's possible site policies regarding quotas and stuff is encouraging this behavior).

* around the same time I was working on tools to extract images from hentai games, I also was working on tools to steganographically hide files inside images, in several ways. This was in part because I was working with 4chan at the time and helping them catch files hidden inside images, because channers were turning 4chan into an arbitrary file sharing site (is it a jpeg or a neutral milk hotel album? It's both!), using it to bypass filtering/moderation (you put an image inside an image and now you can't see the internal image unless you extract it. Maybe it breaks the rules. Breaking the rules on /b/ is very bad), or hiding viruses in there (viruses that then post themselves back to 4chan and the cycle continues!)

* This is also when I worked for the US government

So all those facts put together, I'll just say that IF it turns out secret government agents were hiding confidential information encoded into the images of hentai game ejaculations galleries, then... it was me, and I did it back in 2009.

Foone Turing, the trans Ian Fleming for the digital age.

Shout out to The Amazing World of Gumball for going against the trend and making the son look like his mom and the daughter look like her dad.

Okay, but this does make the meme into a trilogy.

HELLO?

too many of you don't know who scott the woz is am i getting old

too many of you

don’t know who scott the woz is

am i getting old

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.