What, the forest-dwelling entities with imperfect human mimicry who insinuate themselves into groups of hikers? Yeah, we had one of those. Clocked it immediately, of course. Honestly it kind of fell in that so-inept-it’s-kind-of-charming range. We just played along until it’d had it’s fill of marshmallows and shambled back into the treeline. We might have been violating some kind of killjoy wildlife contact best practices but what the hell, can’t plan around every little thing. Why, what happened to you guys
these tags are gold omg
It’s a misconception that the mimics are hunting humans when they trail along at the back of hiking groups.
In fact, the creature you’ll find suddenly walking beside you and acting as if they’ve always been there is almost certainly a juvenile, as the adults lose the ability when they reach reproductive age.
Recent studies suggest the forest mimic is less like a preying mantis (mimicry as a hunting strategy) and more like a cuckoo (mimicry as a protective strategy for their young). Adult forest mimics will leave their offspring near a group of hikers while they forage during the day, and retrieve them near trailheads in the evening. Groups of hikers provide safety from predators and allow the parents of the species the freedom to forage more widely.
For this reason, the traditional advice to never let a mimic into your vehicle is still very important, as this would separate the young mimic from its mother. If a juvenile forest mimic does follow your group to the parking lot, you can keep it entertained with trail snacks, dad jokes, and simple goofs. The mother will usually collect them shortly before sunset.
When you notice the woods around the trailhead go silent and feel a sense of nameless foreboding, find an excuse to avert your attention from the juvenile so it can sneak back into the forest to rejoin its mother, convinced it’s fooled another party of unsuspecting humans.
surprisingly wholesome takes from the cryptid community here
Botw is such an interesting take on post apocalypse, because it isn’t really dystopian. It is a wound healed over, a world that has forgotten the end of itself, and in that, has begun anew. Grandparents whisper their nightmares into the wind, and smile at their kin. The garrisons that remain are sodden ashes in the dirt, a burial ground, and the most fertile soil for miles. You do not know the past that your body remembers. You do not know the voices that linger, and yet you follow. You follow, because the world has forgotten you, and you have nothing that is yours to remember.
I’m howling, I know shit about the newest Snow White Disney regurgitation but I just clicked on it on iMDb and-
1.8 stars????? I didn’t think that was possible. I clicked on it and-
IT’S EVEN FUCKING LOWER THAN THAT IF YOU DON’T COUNT THE OBVIOUSLY PAID-FOR 10S. Like even the other two recent disasters are higher than that!
This is where it occured to me to check something and-
IT’S RATED SIGNIFICANTLY LOWER THAN A MOVIE MADE PURPOSEFULLY TO BE AS GROSS AND HORRIBLE AS POSSIBLE. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT??????
IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN THE SEQUEL OF A SEQUEL OF A HORROR MOVIE MADE EXCLUSIVELY BECAUSE TOM CARDY MADE A SONG ABOUT IT.
I think I’m going to pirate this and watch it out of sheer morbid curiosity.
I couldn’t help myself, I went on a quest to find a movie worse than this. A bit hard, because iMDb doesn’t let you sort by the lowest rated 250, but I managed.
BEHOLD! The movies that managed to get a worse rating than Snow White!
Pledge this!
I actually saw this one when I was, uh, probably way too young for it. It’s about Paris Hilton being a sadistic tyrant of some posh university and it includes charming scenes of her making aspiring college students eat leftover sushi from dog bowls and spraying whipped cream on her boyfriend’s dick to make her dog give him a blowjob. Definitely worse than Snow White, right?
Well-
Enough people thought it was at least ironically funny to give it a 3.7 mean so it’s, technically, NOT worse than Snow White. I guess Paris Hilton is at least hot.
Next, we have:
A very promising title! Apparently it’s a sequel of a Turkish film ‘The Man Who Saved the World’, (which in itself is apparently 'Turkish Star Wars’) and which one reviewer called 'mindbogglingly awful’. Hold on, let me show you the funniest part of one review:
This movie is so bad it interferes with one’s inner peace! Surely not even Snow White is THAT bad.
Except-
To be fair, Turks in Space is a sequel of a problematic cult favorite, so it still manages to have some fans. My condolences to the person whose inner peace was disturbed, I hope you moved to a Tibetan monastery in 2019 and haven’t had internet acess since. Hell, 2024 would be be better than seeing this.
Okay, by now iMDb algorhythm or whatever it is has figured out what I want and grudgingly started offering me its worst rated movies. Unfortunately…
It turns out it’s REALLY FUCKING HARD to make a movie that is so universally unappealing. Even the worst movies so far have at least a dozen people who gave it a pity rating and a few maniacs who think it’s unintentionally the best thing ever. Finding something below 1.8 is actually pretty hard!
But I prevailed and found this!
It’s a very bad german vanity film about… I don’t know, some guy who won a talent show once? The reviews speak for themselves:
'Cultural equivalent of stoning the viewer to death’. Wow. Have we finally found the most universally hated movie of all-
NOPE! Turns out even camcorder vanity projects have their fans. And mind you, this movie at least didn’t cost 250 million to make! Considering how cheap it looks and that some people went to war with the German Amazon to track it down, I think it actually made more money than it cost anyway.
And so my search for a movie hated more than Snow White continues!
We’re taking a turn for the absurd, and while these are TECHNICALLY a series, I have found TWO things that have made me nearly burst my spleen.
We have…
Literally just a collection of Charli D'Amelio’s videos. I have to admit I had to google who the fuck that was.
But she still isn’t what we’re looking for. She does get an honorable mention because it’s on her page that I found THIS.
People wiser than me have already realised what this is, but alas. I am an idiot. The 'ape’ part should have tipped me off, but in my defense, seeing only half of that monkey’s head was probably on purpose because you realize it instantly once you see it.
I had to open my computer, open youtube in a private window and then carefully copy it over here without opening it because I don’t want Youtube algorhythm to catch so much as a whiff of it. But yes. It’s exactly what it says on the tin.
HOWEVER.
It is, by the virtue of at least the people who went blind at the Bored Ape concert, NOT the most universally hated movie! Snow White continues to edge out some VERY stiff competition!
Scrolled past this agakn and just can’t get over how much I love it. We need to make things beautiful again and this is such a wonderful example. The beadwork on the wires of a utitarian object, contrasted with the grey concrete.
The final blursed being in my Axolotl series! This has been so much fun and quite different from my usual subjects. Maybe some other cursed inspirations will strike me again the future~
