Language is a River

(yes, that @gallusrostromegalus )

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 19:30:50 -0400

smolderingcorpsebar:
(yes, that @gallusrostromegalus )
The timestamp really adds to this tbh

Hc where Garak knows Julian is a liar, but he can’t, for the life of him, know what he’s lying…

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 17:01:38 -0400

Hc where Garak knows Julian is a liar, but he can’t, for the life of him, know what he’s lying about.
Like, he has this feeling, given to him by years of training and an observant eyes, that Julian is very purposefully unauthentic, and it seems that no one else notices.
He sees how Julian talks a lot and overshares, but never really says anything, to the point where his friends would have a hard time answering any question about him, like, for fucks sake, it took reading his file to get to know his date of birth because no one knew.
Jadzia thinks he has a brother, Miles is convinced he has a sister, and Garak is fairly sure he is an only child, the problem is, Julian doesn’t talk about it. He talks too much and hardly says anything.
Garak also notices how he is always tense, as if holding back, like when he lets himself be punched when he clearly sees it coming, when he let’s things break even though Garak is sure he could’ve caught them mid air, how he seems to calculate the perfect amount of clumsy in a day (once he even bumped into Garak and pretended to be distracted) and no one notices.
But Garak does, Garak knows he is lying about something, he feels it, specially when he looses on games and arguments, like he could not think of something else but Garak sees it in his eyes that he is hiding something.
And Garak constantly gets worried, despite his best knowledge, about him.
He knows how lonely it is, to keep yourself hidden from the world, to not let anyone know you, to hold the weight of a thousand secrets on his body, and constantly he sees this weight taking it’s toll on the doctor.
Julian keeps people at arms length, he gets close on condition, he larps with Miles, discuss literature with Garak and converses with Jadzia, but keeps them all compartmentalized, always distant, even his crush on Jadzia being shallow, no real depth to it.
Julian seems skin deep and Garak knows how it feels and aches for him.
So he constantly tries to scratch the surface, aways tries to get Julian out of his lie made shell like Julian does to him, and he doesn’t succeed, but he keeps trying.
Specially after he finds out that Julian had been gone for a month and not even him noticed it, he knows it’s because no one would, because Julian keeps so much of himself hidden that you can’t distinguish him from a fake.
And then, doctor Zimmermann shows up…

What happens if tarantula no longger need the frog?

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 14:30:40 -0400

great news! that just straight-up doesn't happen.

tarantulas can live for well over a decade, and female tarantulas can expect to breed multiple times before they finally kick it! and since there's always the expectation of there going to be a new clutch of eggs in the nest every year, there's no benefit in getting rid of the frogs that will keep those eggs safe.

a female columbian lesserblack tarantula will treasure and protect her frogs until the day she dies, and then those frogs will go into the care of whichever of her daughters inherits her burrow! it's an eternal cycle. a cycle of frog.

bunjywunjy:

bunjywunjy:
the scorpion came upon the frog on the riverbank.
"friend frog," said the scorpion, waving its little pincer things in an emotive fashion, "would you carry me across? the river is wide, and I cannot swim."
the frog was a kindly fellow, and hesitated, thinking it over.
now, this story could have progressed as it normally does, into a very sad and rather ham-fisted metaphor for the nature of the human experience, but luckily for both the frog and the reader (though not for the scorpion), our story is interrupted rather abruptly here by the sudden appearance of a ginormous fucking spider popping out of the bushes and making short work of the scorpion.
"Ribbort," said the giant fuckoff tarantula, delicately wiping some scorpion off her huge terrifying spider fangs, "there you are! I was worried. you know better than to wander off into an allegory like this. come home, the children miss you."
the frog, whose name was Ribbort, shrugged his damp little shoulders. indeed, some metaphors just can't be accurately applied to the natural world, due to the enormously complex and often unexpected web of relationships between living creatures in any given ecosystem, and that is the way of things.
and then they went home together, hand in hand.

You know what? Changed my mind. I have decided that this is perfectly in character for Dick “Never…

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 12:02:04 -0400

kiragecko:

gffa:
You know what? Changed my mind. I have decided that this is perfectly in character for Dick “Never Met Anyone He Wasn’t Willing To Emotionally Manipulate” Grayson, because he would 100% say this while looking Bruce dead in the face and his deer in the headlights expression would not break, all while trying to imply that Bruce is oh-so-terrible for trying to make him go up and give the speech he doesn’t want to give.

I have decided it’s much funnier if this is Dick Grayson trying to manipulate Bruce into maybe just doing the speech for him, because he is a horrible demon child who will manipulate anyone, and it only doesn’t work because Bruce Wayne has MET Dick Grayson and knows exactly what he’s doing.

Bruce’s side-eye is a thousand times funnier if it’s in response to him fully knowing Dick is trying to manipulate him and it is NOT working, not this time, pal.
[Two panels of Bruce, Dick, and Damian in suits.
Bruce says, “I’ll get up there and introduce you. Bring the dog.”
Dick look unimpressed and responds, “Really? That feels a little manipulative.”
“You’re TRYING to manipulate people.”
Dick concedes, “Right. Yeah. Okay.”
End ID.]

You think “oh it would be useful to learn how to identify my thrifted yarn and clothing” and before…

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 09:30:33 -0400

kleefkruid:

You think “oh it would be useful to learn how to identify my thrifted yarn and clothing” and before you know it you’ve been recruited by fiber witches giving out their spells willy nilly, again

I reference this blog post every single time I bind off a project, Susanna Winter I owe you my life

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 19:31:04 -0400

emi–rose:

sooziepinguino:
knittyboi:
I reference this blog post every single time I bind off a project, Susanna Winter I owe you my life
ALT
Amazing, what a delightfully nerdy and helpful blog post.
@tinystepsforward

shear-in-spuh-rey-shuhn:ERIN VESTAll The Horses Of Iceland

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 17:02:28 -0400

shear-in-spuh-rey-shuhn:

ERIN VEST
All The Horses Of Iceland

https://www.euronews.com/green/2024/12/29/the-japanese-micro-forest-method-is-transforming-cities

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 14:30:46 -0400

anastasha-romanov:

plantyhamchuk:
wachinyeya:
https://www.euronews.com/green/2024/12/29/the-japanese-micro-forest-method-is-transforming-cities
The Japanese ‘micro-forest’ method is transforming cities
“More than 420 million hectares of forest have been lost to other uses since 1990, according to the UN’s 2020 State of the World’s Forests Report.
With more than 85 per cent of the global population living in urban areas, micro-forests in cities offer an essential opportunity to combat deforestation.
The Miyawaki Forest Technique, invented by Japanese botanist and plant ecology expert Professor Akira Miyawaki in the 1970s, is the inspiration for micro-forests worldwide.
These diverse, organic small forests can be created on sites as small as nine square metres, and only use native species that would otherwise grow naturally in the planting area. They grow up to 10 times faster than monoculture forests, in just two to three decades.
Since Miyawaki’s work began, more than 280 micro-forests have been planted.”
…
“In polluted urban areas, micro-forests can help to restore soil, water and air quality, according to the Woodland Trust.
Their small size allows plantation in relatively limited urban space, often taking advantage of unused spaces such as school playgrounds, cemeteries, and near metro stations. They can also help to reduce the impact of heavy rainfall, and to keep towns and cities cooler.
Micro-forests can create more habitats for wildlife in cities, such as blackbirds or hedgehogs. When planted in distinct layers, they can also develop plant communities of smaller shrubs and herbs, which allow the micro-forests to become self-sustaining after just three to five years of growth.
“Our pocket forests offer a myriad of benefits” says Elise Van Middelem, Founder and CEO of SUGi.
“Perhaps most importantly, they can support the positive well-being of communities. From a psychological perspective, interacting with nature reduces physical stress and can improve symptoms of mental ill health, including anxiety or depression.”
The link provided doesn’t really go over the method, so I looked into it a bit more. The key is planting a bunch of native trees close together. Like, 2ft tall trees, 2 ft apart. The overall garden can be just 3ftx3ft, any is fine really. By planting the trees close together, they grow upwards faster (rather than out sideways). Additionally, they make sure to prepare/improve the soil in advance to hold lots of water, and to apply lots of mulch over the top. You water it tons and weed it in the first two years or so, then it goes on by itself without maintenance.
The more diversity in native trees you can plant, the better. I think this @jstor blog post on the jstor website has a nice overview and some info on how the technique is being utilized around the world: https://daily.jstor.org/the-miyawaki-method-a-better-way-to-build-forests/

Happy International Asexuality Day!!! 🖤🩶🤍💜

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 12:20:20 -0400

kateammann:

ALT
Happy International Asexuality Day!!! 🖤🩶🤍💜

Since I’m once again thinking about it, Devin Grayson really had the worst luck in the world for her…

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 12:01:04 -0400

kiragecko:

zahri-melitor:
zahri-melitor:
Since I’m once again thinking about it, Devin Grayson really had the worst luck in the world for her whump storyline.
Sure I’m certain it would never have ranked up there with people’s favourites, but I’d love to have seen what her original pitch for the resolution of the storyline was. Presumably the depression-almost-marriage, then Dick runs off and joins the mob, then we finally get a comfort arc where he realises he’s NOT that person and reconciles with the family.
Instead: 9 of the following 13 issues to Nightwing #93 were out of Devin’s control (War Games then Nightwing Year One), she gets her mob arc up only to be informed Dick will be getting sacrificed in Infinite Crisis, and she diverts over to the half done Slade story because nothing really matters at this point, hey? Editorial drops Chemo on Blüdhaven because Dick’s dying anyway, we can sacrifice his city for drama, only for the rebellion to save Dick AFTER PAGES ARE TURNED IN.
I know everyone dislikes #93 and why they feel that way, but it’s also basically the last point for the subsequent two years where Devin had any control over the course of the title, at the end of which she was removed. #94&95 are the start of Dick’s reaction. She gets to write #100 and ONE proper story arc in after this point: the mob arc #107-112. Everything else is scraped together transitions or preempted or someone else’s story.
If her story hadn’t been disrupted for an ENTIRE YEAR at its lowest point by intervening events, so that fans had given up on getting any sort of catharsis out of the whump and had turned on Devin, I can see a world where people enjoy Devin Grayson’s run as ‘the one where Dick gets to go off the rails’. It’d be his Red Robin - known to be Dick not acting normally, but with the fun that yeah, that was DESERVED, and Dick came out the other side solid.
But we don’t live in that world, and instead we live in the world where fans spent an entire year in a holding pattern at Dick’s lowest point, and just gave up caring. The narrative was set. This was The Worst Story (until the subsequent two Worst Stories came about)
#op i trust you but can i also get some sources #i am interested (from @ccain)
Oh god, where do I start. A lot of this is just…general knowledge or stuff that pops out when you look at a timeline of how the stories going on shake out.
It is very, very clear when you look at how the storyline started, Devin Grayson pitched a ‘break the cutie’ plot. She spends 18 months carefully making everything go wrong in Dick’s life, and then presumably intended for him to come out the other side stronger and more committed to The Mission.
I’m going to compare this again against Red Robin #1-12, which is a compact and successful example of this sort of storyline. RR #1-4 is Tim Hits Rock Bottom. The events of the past 5 years or so finally catch up with him and Tim Breaks. He yells at people he’s close to, pushes everyone away, and goes on the run. RR #5-8 is Tim swimming around going 'well I’ve given in to my Worst Impulses, Am I Evil?’ and flirting with Doing Wrong. RR #9-12 is the resolution - Tim realises he still has people who love him and rely on him, he goes to heroically save Bruce’s loved ones, and gets a moment of pure sweet resolution hugging Dick in the Cave.
Devin Grayson’s whump plot for Dick essentially runs from #71-95, and then from #107-116. She desperately tries to wrap it up in #117 but it’s halfhearted at best. The intervening 11 issues (almost a YEAR) in the middle there, #96-106, consists of: 3 issues of War Games, one issue post-War Games that is essentially just the fallout and new status quo being explained to Dick (because he was unconscious during the final parts of War Games), Nightwing #100 (which is about long term stories and doesn’t bother to seriously get back to the plot as it’s essentially a stand alone issue), and then #101-106, which are Nightwing: Year One, written by Chuck Dixon.
As a writer, Devin Grayson essentially had no choice about anything that happened in that year. Her plot got put on hold for two other stories. It also got put on ice at the worst possible moment: right as Dick hit rock bottom in #93, and let Tarantula shoot Blockbuster. #94-95 mostly consist of Dick wandering around in a daze, probably dissociating from the horror of what he’s just let happen, while Catalina tries to marry Dick.
In Red Robin terms, imagine if after RR #4, as Tim is lying there bleeding to death, the plot got put on hold for 11 months while Tim had to go back to Gotham for Blackest Night (instead of those issues just happening as separate tie ins), followed by another writer getting to spend 6 months recapping A Lonely Place of Dying. Imagine what that would do to the story’s pacing.
Once Devin gets control of her story back, in issue #107, she launches into the Mob Arc. I like the Mob Arc, being #107-112. It’s the equivalent of RR #5-8. Dick’s decides that he’s a Terrible Person, so he’s punishing himself working as an enforcer for the mob. He’s also simultaneously remembering what it’s like to be part of a family, with a father who cares about you and a little sibling to protect. This is the upswing. It’s where Dick is supposed to start recovering, and working out that he’s not Evil.
Unfortunately for everyone concerned, the plotting of Infinite Crisis is underway at this point, and Dan Didio wants to kill off a character to seal This Is Really Serious. He wants to do a Barry sacrifice. Didio picks Dick, for a variety of reasons that have been explained many different ways over the years, but that essentially boil down to “Didio saw Dick, as a legacy character, as superfluous”. He wasn’t Batman OR Robin, but he used to be Robin. People would care but it wouldn’t disrupt things that much. Here’s a very basic explanation from Didio - there have been a LOT more details leaked over the years.
Didio got it very, very, very wrong. His writer’s room for Infinite Crisis essentially staged a coup and forced Didio to accept that killing Dick Grayson would result in half the writers walking/resigning, including iirc Geoff Johns and Marv Wolfman. Geoff Johns was the lead writer for Infinite Crisis. People cared very much about Dick. They swapped his death out for Kon’s instead (and the swap came very very late - Infinite Crisis is written as if Dick’s about to die, they swapped out pages at the last minute).
BECAUSE Dick was now fated to die during Infinite Crisis, Devin got told to wrap her story up. Nightwing was ending issue #117. She segued over into the Slade plot (which probably was her next intended move anyway - Dick training Rose would be the shock that brought him back out of his moping over being evil), but only gets 3 issues of this, including one where Roy gets to yell at Dick about What Are You Doing??? Slade’s also simultaneously part of the Evil Plot going on in Infinite Crisis, and since Dick’s dying anyway, the event writers decide to drop Chemo on Bludhaven, to again ramp up the drama and sacrifice. If Dick’s dead they don’t need the city, plus Devin Grayson had already killed off the majority of characters people cared about there anyway (Batgirl is already scheduled to end at the same time too, and moving Robin back to Gotham was the long term plan anyway).
Standing in the ruins of Bludhaven, in issue #116, Dick finally, finally reaches where RR #9-12 should start. He gets back into the blue fingerstripes and mourns his dead.
Unfortunately for everyone, this resolution arc gets exactly one issue, #117. Dick finally gets to tell Bruce what happened to Blockbuster (which if events hadn’t intervened, was more likely to have happened back around #99 or so, or maybe a little later), and he gets engaged to Babs because he’s about to die and that was his little treat for getting offed (this is similar to how Steph got to be Robin because she was going to die in War Games. You get a little treat because you’re about to be dead).
Unfortunately for Devin Grayson, this level of resolution is about as popular as burnt toast. Didio is shaking up writers for most titles anyway in the aftermath of Infinite Crisis - the point of One Year Later is that they can set up fresh teams on all the books. Devin is off Nightwing, never having got to resolve her plot.
And also, because the last two years of storytelling on Nightwing have been approximately as popular as a root canal with the fans (due to, as I noted, the main plot spending a year in a holding pattern, followed by 11 issues that never fully got back on track after that disruption, as they also got completely thrown for a mess again by Infinite Crisis), Devin Grayson is essentially out the door at DC as well.
I’ve seen books still be successful around this level of editorial fuckery. But it takes skill, talent and a lot of luck, and Devin Grayson didn’t have the trifecta.
(You want an example of a book that survived this level of nonsense? Marc Andreyko’s run on Manhunter. Which got cancelled TWICE and then finished up as a back-up in Streets of Gotham. And even that won the lottery several times)
Also, you CAN’T finish a story like that by destroying the city. You just … can’t. There’s no way to salvage that.
When you’ve amped up the incredibly personal emotional tension SO HIGH, you can’t then switch to a larger-then-life tragedy. If he falls apart because of about 20 deaths, in a realistic and long-term way, you can’t cap the story with thousands of deaths.
It breaks the tension. The only way to really respond is to laugh. We were so close to the character, and then we pan out and all his problems look so little and trite, and we feel kinda stupid for caring. Ha! It was just a few deaths! This is REAL tragedy! (Not that it was written in a way that engaged any real sense of connection. Just numbness.)
And then our last hope for ANY closure runs into Brothers In Blood. The last tatters of 'maybe he recovered on his trip and we’ll get to see how that changed him’ are confronted by a tentacle monster. Yeah, this is a joke. Why do I even READ comics?
(That’s what my reaction was the first time, anyways. That’s where my comics read-through ended for several years. And I made a series of posts laughing at how ridiculous the angst levels were in Grayson’s work. [While also recommending it.] But THAT WASN’T GRAYSON’S FAULT. I just got no catharsis and needed some time to process all of it on my own, since the comics got sabotaged.)

rionsanura: wunderkammer-der-willa: The Párisi Udvar in...

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 09:30:30 -0400

rionsanura:

wunderkammer-der-willa:

The Párisi Udvar in Budapest, Hungary. Arcade/department store/ galleria built 1907-1913, in a mix of styles- venetian gothic, orientalism, jugendstil, renaissance.

ok let’s go!

Heather Rios — Floral Embroidered Cake (sculpture, handmade with cotton embroidery, acrylic paint,…

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 19:31:02 -0400

kunaigirl:

jareckiworld:
Heather Rios — Floral Embroidered Cake (sculpture, handmade with cotton embroidery, acrylic paint, and polymer clay, 2025)
CLAY SCULPTURE WITH EMBROIDERY!!! CLAY SCULPTURE WITH EMBROIDERY!!!!!

livepoultryfreshkilled:bongjoonheaux:summerstormsandnoodles:bongjoonheaux:deadboytryingtosurvive:pere...

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 17:01:50 -0400

livepoultryfreshkilled:

bongjoonheaux:
summerstormsandnoodles:
bongjoonheaux:
deadboytryingtosurvive:
perestroika-hilton:
bongjoonheaux:
I love Twitter bc everyone is dumb
Just pronouns in general
Are- are you trying to tell me “no one” is a pronoun? Is that what this is saying??
Yes
So if I choose to go by nobody/no one are those nemo-pronouns
i see through your tricks, odysseus

So, what movie do you guys wanna watch?

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 14:31:17 -0400

jackson-imbecille:

So, what movie do you guys wanna watch?
Edit: fuuuuuuuck Tumblr dropped the quality like crazy

I truly believe that when Light became Kira, he became his best authentic self. Not for anyone else,…

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 12:00:42 -0400

gh0stbeeee:

I truly believe that when Light became Kira, he became his best authentic self. Not for anyone else, of course, but for he who had been in a straight jacket of conformity his whole life— it must have been relieving.
“Oh my god no, I’m not a perfect person anymore! Wait. Actually, I’m always perfect, no matter what! I can be a killer god and I’m still better than anyone else! Wow. This is great. I love being myself.” Real self love everyone.
Even if he had to hide it from everyone except Ryuk, Light was objectively happier than at the beginning of the series. That’s why I don’t like Yotsuba!Light more than Kira!Light actually, like he’s just an incomplete, less depraved version of who Light really is. An egomaniacal serial killer that likes being an asshole. He’s back fitting himself into a box and I hate that for him.
Even L liked Y!Light less. Humming and hawwing in a depression for weeks because this wasn’t the little neurotic sicko he had been hunting down. Where had his TRUE boyfriend gone?
I stand by Light’s rights and his wrongs. He’s much more fun and interesting with both.
Same for L! Morally grey, Kira obsessed detective or NOTHING! None of this “oooo lite no kiwwing is bad 🥺” BARF. He wanted to bark at and chase Kira around a yard for enrichment.

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 09:30:35 -0400

estrangeloedessa:

viejospellejos:
Uncredited art makes me sad :( The artist’s name is David Nott
Gallery — David Nott

jason loves being the annoying older sibling

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 19:32:19 -0400

ninalinovna:

jason loves being the annoying older sibling

Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his…

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 17:02:09 -0400

prlssprfctn:

Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.

Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately.
Dick, confused: Huh? Why?
Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point?
Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-

Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING “RAW”. MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him…
Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO

Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going?
Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn’t clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me “in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door”… Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen?
Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays.
Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks.
Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad!
Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: …None of these words were in Koran

is there a style guide/dress code for gotham rogue henchmen out there somewhere

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 14:32:20 -0400

therealbeachfox:

sreppub:
is there a style guide/dress code for gotham rogue henchmen out there somewhere
r/NoStupidQuestions is there a style guide/dress code for gotham rogue henchmen out there somewhere
u/RaddicalCon
“I mean, not something that’s written down or printed out.
(Unless you’re from my birth-family, in which case it’s all written down, mostly in ancient books that stink of dry-rot and leather where Hench’re called things like ‘Servitors’ and 'Beholden’ and there’s a lot of rules about which parts of the manor you’re allowed to drag bodies through at what particular times of the day.)
Otherwise, it’s not like there’s a HenchCo HQ that puts together an employee dress code or anything. As with most things Hench-related in Gotham, it’s all about unspoken rules and running tradition. Vibes, you know?
So here’s some of those unwritten rules written down, because fuck the not-police.
A lot of bosses are going to have their own style and Hench-branding already in place. In this case, you wear what the Boss tells you to. Hopefully, they’ll supply you the uniform so you don’t have to go down to the army surplus and hunt for body armor in the exact right shade of purple or something. Be careful of any Boss who has you buy/rent your uniform with promises you get your money back when you return it. Gotham is hell on clothes regardless of who you are, and there’s no way you’re going to keep that uniform clean enough to be given your 'deposit’ back. Fortunately, these sorts tend to be flash-in-the-pans. They usually wind up dead after they piss off one of the bigger fish, or they don’t have anyone willing to bust their cheep-ass out after the first time their cheep ass gets locked up by the capes'n'cowls set.
Even if the Boss doesn’t have specific uniform for their hench, they almost always have a certain theme/style of their own going on, and you’ll want to play into that. When you join up, take a quick look around. If everyone’s decked out in a certain style (jaunty green caps, black leather jackets, red shirts), it’s probably a good guess you want to dress similarly if you don’t want to draw the Boss’ attention (It’s almost never a good thing to have the Boss notice you as an individual as opposed to just One of the Minions).
Alright, so you found yourself hooked up with a crew where there doesn’t seem to be any theming going on. Here’s where the unspoken rules come in. You get to make your own outfit, but if you want to come across as a professional Hench, or at least one who knows what the fuck they’re doing, you’re going to wanna stick with the standards. These will depend on exactly what kind of outfit you’ve landed in.
Organized: 'This is a professional operation, boys, and we expect you all to look professional when on the clock.’ You’re working with one of the crime families, henching for Two-Face on Mr. Dent’s side of the room, or fronting for Sionis because you’re an unmitigated asshole or a raving idiot. Regardless, you’re going to want to get yourself a nice suit. Nothing too fancy, you’re not trying to imply you’re as good (or rich) as one of the big players. Something off the rack at one of those Fancyish Clothes wholesalers should do you fine. Add a fedora or something if you need to keep your hair warm, consider growing a pencil mustache if you’re able, or go for the classic full-eyelashes & red lips makeup if that’s more your thing. You might even be able to get away with a trench-coat. Just keep it all either black, grey, or very subdued colors and you’ll be fine.
And make sure you know how to fight in them. There’s nothing worse than watching some guy who can normally tear it up in a street fight get a knife to the gut because he wasn’t used to the way tight slacks constrained his ability to throw a kick or leap out of the way of something.
Heavies: It’s easy to tell if you’re in one of these outfits. If you’re spending all your time moving unlabeled crates from one place to another place, standing guard over nondescript warehouses and abandoned factories, or showing up in back alleys to clarify the boss’ intentions to some hapless Gothemite, than you’re in a Heavy crew. None of the excitement of the others, but you don’t have to dress up for it. You’re not in the 'Public Facing’ part of the Boss’ operations, so you don’t have to worry about keeping on-theme or even wearing something without holes in it. Conrats.
My main suggestion and the most popular getup for this gig? Cable-knit turtleneck and knit cap. Gotham nights are piss-cold nine months out of the year, and it’s 9-10 odds you’re going to be doing all your work after sundown. Steel-toed boots are also a must. Basically: good, durable, sout, able to handle roughness and keep you warm. Don’t try and be cute and wear ugly christmas sweaters or multicolored patterned hats or anything. The only ones there to appreciate your kicking swag are going to be your coworkers (and who gives a shit what they think) or the Bats. Who’re going to use the fact that you’re distinctive to pick you out for the first to get face-punched. Not worth it.
Street: The Default level for Henching as a whole. Wear what you want. Something that’ll keep you as warm and protected as you feel like keeping yourself that you’re comfortable beating up assholes and getting your ass kicked in. Some form of tank-top/open-jacket combo is popular these days, as is the Tight Black T-Shirt and Ballcap getup. We’re still not letting our freak-flag fly high, here. If you’re Henching, the point is usually not to have the cops and everyone else immediately notice you when you walk down the street. If that is your purpose, the Boss probably already has uniforms prepped alongside the gas bombs and explosives.
The only thing I wanna stress is to keep up on your laundry. Too many guys take the chill of this setup as an excuse not to keep up on that, and there is nothing worse than having to work with someone who stinks like month-old foot-mold and shit. You are not earning yourself a breakout out of Blackgate if you’re putting your coworkers through that.
Wild: Okay, now you can let your freak-flag fly. This is what you want to go with if you’re henching for Two-Face on Harvey’s side of the room, or in one of those 'are we foot soldiers for a Rogue or are we a street gang?’ situations. Let’s be honest, you probably don’t want to sign onto one of these unless you’re comfortable blasting your brain chemistry to pieces on shit you’ve never even heard of before. In exchange, you can wear whatever the hell you like, so long as it’s eye-catching. Combine your mesh tank-top, pink camo cargo pants, and an army-helmet with a dozen spikes, studs, and dyed feathers. Break out your midriff-baring leather jacket, fishnets, and combat boots. Take a trench-coat and wrap a street’s worth of road signs around it. Drill elk antlers into a hockey mask and drop the whole thing into neon green paint.
Just realize that if it’s fragile, it’s going to break in your first fight. And you will be in fights. Either against rival Rogues’ crews, or with the Bats. Learn how to take a punch, and for the love of god learn how to stay down after you’ve taken that punch. The only thing getting up over and over again in a blood-frenzy will get you is an ever increasing stay in the ICU.
Of course, the easiest way to make sure you’re wearing the right shit for Henchwork is to NOT DO IT.
I’m fucking serious, y'all. Just don’t. If you want a snazzy uniform and an excuse to beat people up, join a private security company. If you want to fawn over an evil megalomaniac while furthering their plans for world domination, both Amazon and LexCorp have plenty of job openings. And if you just want to tear shit up for the hell of it, join a street gang. At least then the people by your side might actually give half-a-shit about you at the end of the day.
You can find more of my 'how not to be an idiot and die in Gotham’ advice here if you’re really in the mood for that.
And to answer the most frequent question: You can find piles of discontinued hench outfits at any Gotham thrift-shop. They’ve almost always got their own rack you can dig through to your weird little heart’s content.

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Sat, 05 Apr 2025 12:01:39 -0400

k11lka:

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