I have this headcanon that the Gryffindor Quidditch team were little shits, that Oliver could barely control, so he made a rule board, which started off pretty normal but got out of hand.
I imagine it was like this: (This is the Quidditch team in the first 3 books.)
1. Quidditch is not just a game. People who think otherwise will face the wrath of Mr Wood.
2. Mr Wood is NOT a cane to beat people with.
3. Don't let Fred and George near anything. Anything.
4. Friendly reminder that the chasers aren't secretly super Ministry spies who could kill with one glance if they wanted, no matter what Fred says.
5. Hufflepuff's seeker is not secretly a badger.
6. Harry is our baby-secret weapon, and must be protected at all costs.
7. Keep the Chocolate Frog Card stash away from Alicia and Katie.
8. Playing 'Spin the Broomstick' and '7 Minutes in the Broom Cupboard' is forbidden.
9. All pairing names are forbidden. Especially Johnwood and Wooter.
10. Oliver Wood is not a walking sexual innuendo.
11. Anyone who says 'Morning Wood' will be high-fived punished.
12. Harry I don't care if your scar is hurting, just catch the snitch for Merlin's sake.
13. People who say Fred and George are the same will be attacked by bludgers.
14. Incidentally, if Fred and George pretend to be each other one more time, they'll be attacked by bludgers when they're least expecting it.
15. The next person to ruin Wood's date by saying 'He's a keeper.' then winking is off the team.
16. Betting on how many times Wood will fall off of his broom is forbidden.
17. Beaters are not code words for prostitutes.
18. Anyone heard singing 'We saw Oliver's butt' will clean the broom cupboard for a week.
19. Discussing if twins are exactly the same EVERYWHERE is forbidden.
20. Oh they're not exactly the same. ;)
21. Fred and George are now forbidden from writing on the rule board.
22. Friendly reminder that Angelina is not to be trusted with our clothes, and the next time the twins convince her to take them, the three of them will be picking them out of the lake themselves.
23. Singing 'Potter for captain' and 'How will Potter end up in the Hospital Wing next?' is banned. (On weekdays.)
24. Insulting Slytherins is allowed if they start it, but if you don't want us to get disqualified, please refrain from sneaking live spiders into their quidditch robes.
25. Katie is not allowed to hold anyone down and give them a makeover.
26. George is not allowed to help.
27. Pranks wars between the Weasleys and the Chasers are forbidden.
28. Dragging Harry into these wars as bait is also forbidden.
29. Selling strands of Wood's hair to first years is strictly prohibited.
30. If Fred and George are huddled together, it's bad and they must be separated before someone's broom turns into a marshmallow.
31. Angelina and Alicia will refrain from singing 'We're the most sassy quidditch team on the planet with the best butts ever.'
32. Fred and George will not join in.
33. Fred and George will NOT EVER AGAIN show their butts no matter how 'glorious' they are. Well they are. No Katie.
34. Harry will not ask 'Where do babies come from?' in earshot of rival quidditch teams.
35. Professor McGonagall is not a cat who's animagus is a human.
36. Alicia will not ring a bell in Wood's ear every time he says Katie Bell, Katie, or Bell.
37. Bad puns are banned everyday except for Thursdays.
38. Though spraying shampoo on Professor Snape's head and blaming it on Zacharias Smith was funny, refrain from doing it in front of McGonagall.
39. 'Touching Wood' for good luck is prohibited.
40. Shipping McGonaWood is hilarious creepy and needs to be stopped.
41. Fred, George and Katie will not turn all of the Ravenclaw brooms into squirrels when they're not looking, even if 'It was only a joke' and 'We were going to change them back.'
42. Oliver Wood does NOT sleep with a toy golden snitch. Well he totally does.
43. Fred and George will refer to rule 21 and keep their filthy mouths shut.
44. Holding out a broom in front of your body and sniggering 'long' and 'hard' is immature and will be banned.
45. Threatening to shove broomsticks up people's butts/nostrils is not a good way to taunt any rivals, Slytherin or not.
46. Harry is NOT the Gryffindor mascot, and will not be forced to wear a lion costume and dance.
47. If it is heard that anyone has been insulting the team then rule 25 will be overlooked.
48. Reminder that Oliver Wood puns are banned, and any new ones will banned. Unless they're really good. No.
49. Playing '(Oliver) Would You Rather?' is forbidden.
50. Draco may be a slimy git, but de it's prohibited to turn his hair colour to red and gold, no matter how hilarious he looks.
