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Kevin Day, history student
Reblogged pneumaticshift
THE father and son duo
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finally, and for the third time, here are the gals (and 1 nb pal) of the shadowhunter chronicles
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see, the intriguing thing about kevjean is how insistent they both are that they aren't friends. they don't think anything is salvageable, that their friendship is in ruins because of what riko did and because of his ghost haunting them, but the way they treat each other is so explicitly tender that all their arguments fall flat.
Sure sure romantic pairings are fine and all. But more people should perhaps consider two characters loving each other to the point of incomprehensibility. To the point that there is no simpler way in english to define or describe it than just to say those characters’ names together, joined eternally by the vague conjunction ‘and’. There’s so many types of love and dependencies and emotions in general thrown in there that you can’t tell what colors they are anymore, they’ve just joined into a giant blobby mess that’s almost black, but when you look closer glistens with more colors than there are names for. Just a thought
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Anonymous asked:
no but really. riko's "lessons" on grief crumbling the second kevin finds out about riko's death though!!!! all of that suppression, all of the buried feelings, all of the time spent avoiding and hiding and concealing left to rise to the surface the second riko is dead!!!
i am convinced kevin freaks out in a way he's never freaked out before, in a way that sincerely shocks anyone who witnesses it, once he finds out riko is gone. in a way that subtly begs the question about inpatient care and an extended leave of absence and rehab. in a way that nobody else really understands because it was riko of all people to trigger this meltdown, but in a way that is genuinely terrifying
that codependency, even if undercut by relief that the abuse is over, does not go away without a freak out!!
-childhood in the nest anon
oh that's such a good point. Especially if Riko was successful in not letting Kevin mourn, if Kevin never really grieved his mother because Riko said, "You have me."
Like, what if the whole basis of Kevin's avoidance of grieving his mom was based on Riko saying, "So long as I'm here, you don't have to worry about her." Imagine every time he almost cried, every time he almost said I miss my mom out loud, Riko would grip his arm or his hand or his face and say something to the effect of, "Your grief is a waste of time and the only thing that matters is me, is us, is exy."
And then Riko's dead? And oh, he remembers this feeling that he'd only felt in vague bursts before, buried so deep he couldn't even be sure he felt it at all. The words, "Riko is dead," sound like "Your mom is dead". They found her body this morning. They found his body last night. There's nothing they could've done to save her. He was dead when the ambulance arrived.
It's like this doubled grief, all the things he'd never been allowed to feel for his mom suddenly coming back up, and like, these are feelings that Kevin thought he was too young to have felt. He thought he was too young to remember, he thought he was too young to understand but now he's reminded that, no, you felt it. You understood. You just weren't allowed to feel the monumental loss that you'd faced. You weren't allowed to work through this gnawing icy pain in your heart. And now that Riko's dead, you're allowed. You're free.
But now Riko's dead. Now Riko is dead, and his mom is dead, and fuck Riko for making him feel both of their deaths at the same time because he shouldn't exist in the same world that his mother does. The pain he feels for them both should be incomparable.
I like to imagine that for just a few moments after Kevin is told, he goes into shock, completely and utterly unable to function with the knowledge that Riko is dead.
"Riko killed himself last night," David says, and Abby is by his side for backup, for protection, for Kevin's safety. Betsy is on speed dial. "They won't tell me much, but they think it happened fast."
Maybe Abby nudges him because nothing he says will be okay, or good enough, or soft enough so as to not destroy Kevin. And he hears the words. He knew they were coming. They had to come, this was always going to happen. This was always how it was going to end. But his brain goes quiet and his hands go numb and he smiles a weak smile. He doesn't feel those words at all.
"Okay," He nods, like he's just been told that it's raining outside or he's wearing odd socks. "Thank you, Coach."
"Kevin, did you..." Abby's voice is soft as she reaches out. "Did you hear what David said?"
His eyes are empty, someplace far away, but his voice does not shake as he says, "I did."
For a while, maybe, they don't let him leave the room. He's quiet, disassociating, but not yet crying. Not yet throwing things around the room like David expected. Not yet begging for a bottle of vodka.
Does Renee come to the door first, or Neil? Does Abby answer the door because David asked her to, and what snaps him out of it? Is it Renee saying, "I called Jean. I told him to avoid the news," or is it Neil saying, "Have you told him yet?" that snaps him back into the real world, back to reality, to Jean can't find out, to Jean is alone, to Neil knows, to oh my god to this is real to Riko's dead and Riko's dead and Riko's dead.
Everything is familiar and nothing is the same. His body tells him he’s allowed to mourn his mom now, but he can’t handle it, and he can’t handle Riko being dead and Jean not knowing and Riko being dead and his mom isn’t here and he just. can’t. get his head around it. It’s all of a sudden messy and loud and confusing. He can’t let himself think about how Riko probably didn’t kill himself, he can’t ask himself why Neil knew before he did. He can’t believe it. If he believes it then it’s real and it’s his fault and who has him now? That was Riko’s job. To stop him from mourning so he could keep his eye on the prize and now he has it; They won the season. He put all his focus on exy, and look where it got him. All those lessons, all that burying of his feelings and compartmentalising to deal with it later hits him at once like a fucking truck and I think Kevin had the breakdowns of all breakdowns that day.
I think whatever happened to Jean on his own in that dorm room would’ve happened to Kevin, and more. He’s lucky that he wasn’t alone, I suppose, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. He’s tall, and he’s strong, and his head isn’t in the room when he’s throwing shit at the walls and screaming like it’ll help make things make sense. He doesn’t see where the chair lands. He doesn’t see who the books are thrown at. There is a chance that not one person in that room has ever seen anyone lose their mind so quickly, and intensely before. Because it’s not just Riko, it’s his mom, it’s his childhood, it’s his future, it’s his abuser, it’s his brother, it’s his identity and purpose and fuck, it’s Riko. Who is he without Riko?
If I keep going this will just end up far too long but oh lordy lord I think you’re absolutely right
tfc trailer would go so insanely hard because i'd end it with the bit on KF where the crowd all starts chanting KING KING KING and the camera cuts progressively faster between neil and kevin and andrew in the crowd and then right before riko steps onstage we get black screen and then the date the season comes out. Somebody give me infinite money i could DO IT
listen listen listen. it opens with the sound of the flick of a match, then shows a hand holding a cigarette, then shows a burning car with someone (neil) silhouetted in front of it. then the camera pans from neil’s shoes scuffing against the ground and slowly up to his face and while it does that it also rotates a little and he tilts his head up to look at the sky and there’s v/o of “i told you i wasn’t ready” “you also said you wouldn’t play with me [cut to gorgeous green eyes]* but here you are”. cut to womack walking and neil following hesitantly, then cut to that one scene where they’re all in the lounge and it slowly pans across the room (andrew isn’t there rn for reasons)** then v/o “it’s about second chances, neil. second, third, fourth, whatever” then cut to neil and kevin standing outside the court with kevin and neil holding on to the same racquet and kevin “so give your game to me”. then cut to the stadium, v/o of aaron saying “lights!” and then lights flood the stadium, and cut to the same still but now there are people in the stadium and they’re cheering, and then cut to the game (and the music picks up now) and someone is running and gets shoved into the wall, and then cut to kevin shoving seth into the wall, and then cut to someone punching someone, and then cut to a manic grin and a racquet crashing into neil’s stomach, and then cut to the monsters knocking back shots at eden’s, and then cut to neil running, and slowly there’s KING KING KING building up in the background, and then sharp cut to riko’s face, and then riko slowly smiles, and now there’s cheering and KING KING KING and then it all cuts off. and the screen is black. and then neil is looking hauntedly into the mirror and taking out his contacts and then his very very blue eyes look directly into the camera. and then “ALL FOR THE GAME: in cinemas this july”
GIA I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND
Kevin Day falls into Raven habits without even realizing it. Despite his best efforts to adjust to a normal life. He runs laps to keep himself awake because he's never quite adjusted to 24 hour days. He struggles to eat anything he perceives as unhealthy despite his dependence on alcohol. When he gets frustrated he plays with a brutality ingrained in him since he was old enough to hold a racquet. He refuses to go anywhere without Andrew, without a partner. Do you think when he wakes up in the middle of the night, to a dark room, he looks over at the other bed expecting Riko to be there? Do you think he traces the ghost of a 2 on his cheek, hidden beneath a chess piece tattoo, out of habit? Do you think despite being a fox he feels as though he'll always be one of them? That, despite it all, he'll always be a Raven?
Reblogged stardustravens
Constantly obsessed with the concept of a man forced to be a myth. What do you do when every step you take is embedded into the text. Every word you say prose to read. You're part of something bigger than yourself. The narrative tugs you along like water currents. There is no time to rest, to be human. You must be great, you must be legend
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a specific detail i love in stories is when two characters who share a deep understanding of each other nevertheless only addresses each other by their title or last name, which somehow makes it even more intimate than if they were to just call each other by their first names. it’s about the veil of propriety, the false detachment and imposed distance, it’s about the restraint, the high esteem held in each other, the meeting-each-other-at-the-boundary-and-stop-before-crossing-it, making it even clearer they both KNOW where it is; all at once both full of yearning and of fond contentment
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fandom talks a lot about kevin being a cult survivor and that shaping his personality & world view but a lot of the time the fact that he was also an abuse survivor on a personal level out of the conversation like even before riko broke his hand, he was very much abusing kevin, maybe not as blatantly and visibly as he was abusing jean, but it was still happening. that kind of persistent emotional and verbal abuse is so so damaging, and it can be even more insidious when it's coming from a "loved one." remember that at one point, kevin and riko considered each other family. they were children together, they loved each other. kevin loved and trusted riko as a brother, so when the abuse began mounting and mounting, it wasn't just coming from a teammate or coach, it was coming from someone he loves
i think sometimes people judge him way too harshly for his fear and coping mechanisms and attitude, but like. you can't ask someone who has suffered like that to be well-adjusted
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forever in love with the fact that andrew minyard is a goalie. with the fact that his position is the final line of defense, the one who has everyone’s back, the dependable one. that he was there even before neil and kevin, even when everyone still saw him only as the monster.
in love with how andrew makes deals for defending the goal just like he made deals for defending kevin and aaron and neil, how he shares the position with renee just like he shared the responsibility of protecting the team with her.
in love with the way exy is as much of a lifeline for him as it is for neil even though he doesn’t share his love for it, the way he used his skills to help the people he loved—first getting aaron and nicky their scholarships, then helping kevin and neil—and also to stay close to them, to be sure he can protect them, positioning himself to always have their backs.