tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever thereโs some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of โwhy would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they arenโt even doing anythingโ and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, itโs easy!
But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People whoโs entire world view is โcis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babiesโ are not going to lean back and say โoh but those asexuals and aromantics are fineโ. They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating weโre all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. Itโs just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, thereโs no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by โnot doing anythingโ.
And like, thereโs a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!
I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you havenโt spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that arenโt heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.
