girl... help!

they need a sorry button in online team games for when you suck complete ass and you know it

some favorites

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

Big fan of when old jrpgs would do this

I'm, above all else, a tangentgirl. always saying shit like "sidenote," "oh also," "by the way,"

this person gets it

is anyone else also doing ultimately fine + dying of stress + it’s not that bad + if i don’t wake up tomorrow hotter and better at every hobby its fucking over for me

the thing about being nonbinary is that you really do start to forget that other people have such strict walls around what is and isn’t allowed for genders. i thought we all agreed that we made that up. could you climb out of the cave real quick and feel the sunshine for a minute.

"freakout girl" literally changed me as a person

by hannah epstein

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

AFFIRMATIONS

i recently had the honour of introducing my friend to the “[blank]er? i hardly know ‘er!” joke by loudly exclaiming “liquor? i hardly know her!!” during a party, causing my friend (never heard the joke before) to laugh so hard she threw up

Hell yeah white baby

I reblogged this a few days ago, and then yesterday someone in my family had a baby, so I was talking to my mom about it. And the convo turned into her sharing little pregnancy facts with me. Like how babies get oxygen and nutrients while in the womb.

Which led to her saying, “but that’s also why, if you drink alcohol, the baby is drinking it too. If you do drugs, the baby is doing them too.”

And I thought of this picture. And I said “when you light up, so does he.” And my mom said “yes”

and I said “hell yeah white baby.”

and then I had to apologize to my mom for saying “hell yeah white baby.”

*flirting* if you had to kill me how would you do it

yonkers is such a deeply unserious name for a place. i bet nobody even dies there

no they do i know cause i once saw the headline "7 dead in Yonkers incident" and said "what the fuck is a Yonkers incident"

Fuckin wild

my luminous mama