Hi my name is Don Quixote of La Mancha the Knight of the Rueful Figure and I have a rueful figure (that's how I got my name) with purple bruised ribs and tall stature and gaunt features and hair turning gray and a rather hooked aquiline nose and large black drooping mustaches and a lot of people tell me I look like Amadís of Gaul (AN: if u don’t know who he is begone!). I’m not related to Lady Oriana but I wish I was because she’s an incomparable flowering beauty. I’m a knight errant but some of my teeth and grinders are missing. I have long lank limbs. I’m also a defender of damsels, protector of orphans, succourer of the needy, righter of wrongs, undoer of injustice, and I wander a magic countryside called the mountains of Spain where I’m in my first year of knighthood (I’m forty-nine). I’m a gentleman (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly armor. I love my great-grandfather's forgotten corner of the house and I cobble together all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a doublet of fine cloth with matching shoes and velvet breeches and a helmet, morion, visor, breastplate and backpiece. I was riding outside La Mancha. It was early morning so the rays of the sun fell obliquely and the heat did not distress me, which I was very happy about. A lot of giants stared at me. I put up my pasteboard visor at them.
I sent my inner child to work at a steel cable plant to make some extra cash and it got mangled in an industrial accident and died in the hospital so I really don't have to protect it or whatever anymore. good luck with your self care stuff though
party like a severed head
look like a severed head
smoke like a severed head
fuck like a severed head
i need people to understand that making a blanket statement about what corsets were or what purpose they served is like if you made a blanket statement about panties and why people wear them and you didn't specify whether you meant g string thongs or boxer briefs or a jockstrap or cotton bikinis or
like imagine if 150 years from now some people were like "panties were uncomfortable constrictive aesthetic garments women were forced to wear" with a pic of an overpriced katherine hamilton set and then some other people were like "actually they were completely benign and functional" with a picture of beige high waisted granny panties sold in a 6 pack and then some other people were like "they could literally give you diseases" with a picture of a crotchless candy thong from spencers and then someone else was like "no they were necessary protective devices for physical activity" with a picture of an athletic cup. that's every argument about corsetry and some of you are not even using real sources
if im being totally honest, the biggest reason I wish people on this website had paid more attention in english class and had reading comprehension is so that they would understand when and why jokes are funny. Maybe if y'all understood that a line like "None of these words are in the bible" is only funny because its totally unexpected. Or maybe if y'all understood how to construct jokes for yourself, we wouldn't have so many comments like "OP check your carbon monoxide detector" because you'd ALSO know how to build a joke. but anyways its the weekend so im fine about this. I'm normal about this. im NOT bothered.
anti-target audience.
straigt up one marvle they are smaller and less harmful than a bowler ball.
also, its sister tweet:
How could you forget:
Had to add this gem
Pouring one out for Poison Junior.
🟪 minecraft-elvis follow
woah mama i tried to water bucket clutch in the nether
🟦 speedrunner-elvis follow
woah mama you suck
🟪 minecraft-elvis
bitch
🟦 speedrunner-elvis
wooaaahhh mama @/elvis-corrector he didn't say the line woah mama
🔫 elvis-corrector follow
say the fucking line or you go to the big toilet in the sky
🟪 minecraft-elvis
woah mama i'm being threatened *wiggles my legs in defence*
🔬elvis-scientist follow
this elvis is clearly in distress, they only wiggle their legs in such a funky way to ward off predators, the little guy thinks his life is in danger please be more responsible with your elvis husbandry
🔍 elvis-detector follow
BEEP
compilation
how could you forget his magnum opus
baseball heritage post
I was tasked with a job
THIS IS A MIMIC PRETENDING TO BE A TUMBLR POST
I'D RECOGNIZE THE TOP 5 ROWS OF PIXELS OF THE IFUNNY.CO WATERMARK ANYWHERE.
if you're going to do it, do it right.
Better?
my dashboard simulator
mutual 1: I am going to kill all of you
mutual 2: *70 consecutive reblogs of a fandom you've never heard of until today. every time you refresh there's 30 more.*
mutual 3: *image of a guy in a dog collar* why did he do this
mutual 4: *reblogs of beautiful picnic scenes*
mutual 5: everyone get fatter now
mutual 4: just thought about dunking them in blood again 🤍
mutual 3: *image of the same guy but blurry and far away* is this allowed
mutual 6: I love music 🎵🎶🎵🎺🎹✨💖🌈
mutual 7 that we are all beginning to suspect is actually a dog: do you guys ever think about chewing on bones haha
mutual 6: anyone ever heard of this shit called music? *image of stickman covered in blood*
mutual 5: make him a woman NOW!!!
mutual 8: if you ask me about my ocs I will kiss you on the mouth
mutual 9: hey what happened to mutual 10
mutual 10: day 173 of being lost in the mountains. I have begun to recreate my family's faces out of the river clay. at night I recite my favorite songs so that they may never leave my memory. I am beginning to forget birthdays. I haven't tasted a grain of sugar in months.
mutual 7: that mailman will pay.