all pms thoughts are not real thoughts and cannot hurt me in any way thst matters

microdosing by becoming the emperor’s food taster

have my bosses considered maybe i would like to know in advance there’s a new tent full of monkeys i have to look after instead of getting there and finding a sign that says ‘marti lattebiscotti’s problem’. like i only got two hands

my friend herman really said not only i am going to tell you endless fact about whales, i’m gonna call whalers and their hunting techniques stupid as shit to their faces

this is so stupid. can i just start bleeding or do we have to drag this out much longer