There's a few jobs out there that are real heroes. Chances are you can do without your average spreadsheet maven, your dog appraiser, and even in many cases your friendly neighbourhood surveillance drone pilot. You cannot, however, live in a world that does not contain plumbers.

For years, I have been jealous of plumbers. Water can rend your once-beautiful house into a billion pieces of slightly damp kleenex in the time it took to finish this sentence. Plumbers are the legends who will step in and right this wrong, often for much less money than you expected (but usually way more than you wanted to spend.) And the ones who work in tall buildings are the greatest of all of them.

Why? Think about it: if you poop on the 79th floor of a skyscraper, that poop has to travel down to the basement. And it has to work about as well for you as it does for the guy who's pooping in the basement. Have you ever thought about how hard of a problem that is, considering how many times you've clogged the toilet or otherwise fucked it all up in your mere one-to-two floor abode? I had to know how they did it. I had to know the secret of pooping in a very tall building. That's why I went undercover in Plumbing School.

Not for long, though. Right from the drop, they rumbled me. It might have been because of my unusually cloying questions about how much I idolized the profession. Afterward, they told me it was because of my giant foam cowboy hat, containing a hidden camera so I could record their lectures for YouTube fame. Even though they kept all my tuition money after kicking me out, they did give me a t-shirt saying "Don't Let Shit Get Out Of Hand." Walking gods, I tell you.

For many good reasons, the ancient practice of "funny bumper sticker" has fallen away in recent years. And bad reasons, too. In their stead, the "angry bumper sticker" has begun to dominate America's bumper-based highway discourse.

I am certain that a sociologist would be able to tell you exactly when this happened, and why. Maybe it's Milton Friedman's fault. Actually, it probably is, fuck that guy. Still, the temperature needs to be taken down a notch. I don't want kids in school buses to be getting their entire political concepts from the words in inch-high text: "Fuck Government, Taxes Bad." Crude and a rudimentary analysis at best. That's why I had to do something.

You might be surprised to hear this, but the sovereign nation of China has a whole bunch of bumper-sticker-printing factories. It's where all of our bumper-sticker-printing factories went after we closed them during the great decline of bumper stickers. They're still going, servicing the world's demand for bumper stickers in every glorious language. And for about twenty bucks, you can get a stack of bumper stickers half a foot thick mailed to your door. Those bumper stickers can say whatever you want.

Me and the bunch, we like to hang out at the gas station and slap these bumper stickers on the back of passing motorists. Don't worry, they come off easily and don't damage any paint (if they did, I'd have a lot more holes in my bumper.) What they do do, however, is make everyone else on the highway honk and wave, gleeful to be seeing someone taking a brave stand and making their day just that little bit better. Sure, the operator of the car is probably insanely upset when they get home, but until they figure out what happened, they've brought happiness to so many other folks.

Yep. You could call me a modern-day hero, but I'm just a guy with several hundred Don't Honk At Me, I Will Be So Mad I Swear To Fucking God bumper stickers, doing the only thing he knows how.

That has to be the most humiliating way to describe one of Earth's most terrifyingly effective predators.

leo and frank have a clairrese and percy type of relationship. they keep the beef snd the rivalry going for shits and giggles. but secretly they're hopping on facetime every other night, theyre contact names are "pookie wookie" and "general munchkin man", theyre having sleepovers every other weekend, and sharing there spotify for recs.

A detail I love about Epic is that Odysseus is never actually named in the musical itself until he reveals it himself.

If someone went in blind into a stage play version of it without any prior knowledge about the Odyssey then all they’d learn about him first: he’s a high ranking soldier to be commanding others in a war in Horse and the Infant and learns that he’s fighting for two people named Penelope and Telemachus, possibly his wife and child (and also that he might be a king if they catch the “he will burn your house and throne” line); then that he’s a father with the confirmation that they are his wife and son in Just a Man. For the rest of the Troy saga they’ll learn the names of the rest of the cast but not the name of the main character himself, but will get titles he has or gets called by like “Captain” and “Friend” (Polites) and “Warrior of the Mind” (technically “Boy” is also one as that’s what Athena used to describe him when he killed the boar). Then in the Cyclops saga he names himself “Nobody.” It’s obviously a lie, but there’s an impact from listening to it in order with the rest of the songs because it’s the first time Odysseus claims a name for himself, and for that unknowing audience member it’s the only confirmed name they’ll have for him in the moment, until Remember Them, where finally, from the character himself, you learn that he is the infamous Odysseus, king of Ithaca.

His name only start appearing in lyrics after this point.

Even for someone who knows his name, there’s a impact that stems not just from the awesome way the line was delivered, but also from the fact that it’s the first time you hear it spoken out loud in the musical if you are listening to it in order.

How many mysterious eggs does a guy have to eat to get taken by the fae these days

You can't prove anything

the pines family would have a "how fucked are we" scale depending on who's crying

-soos is crying: honestly that might just be his burrito exploding in the microwave, you're fine

-mabel's crying: could be a pretty bad situation if mabel isn't being optimistic or trying to fix it

-dipper's crying: again, dipper would rather fix the problem than cry, but he might if it's severe and unfixable enough

-stan's crying: if stan is crying and it isn't over a movie or something, we've officially crossed into "oh fuck" territory. the situation is BAD

-ford's crying:

SOMEONE HAS FUCKING DIED AND/OR WE'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE

penis.com/settings

for those who know me, you know that I am a big fan of greek mythology, so when the epic saga by Jorege Rivera-Herrans came out I couldn't help but fall madly in love with it, his music accompanied and inspired me while I was working, and now that this long journey is about to end I couldn't help but leave a tribute to thank him for all the work he has done. he couldn't have left us a better christmas present under the tree! thanks again for everything.

ps: I already know that with the last song I will cry like a fountain!!

damn, she’s a bad bitch. oh they’re nonbinary? my bad. damn, they’re a bad person

oh shit it uses it/its? its a wretched creature

Slaves who escaped were breaking the law. Literally. Outright.

Jewish people who escaped the Nazis were breaking the law. Literally. Outright.

The law is a horrible judge of morality.

Today's Seal Is: OHHHHHH WOE IS MEEEE...