"in this world there’s still somebody who trust you"
i think it’s my first wangxian fanart, and I made a whole painting… i loved drawing them so I’ll make more fanarts of lan zhan and wei ying! 🐦⬛
holy shit
JESUS
omg
wh
it’s back
wat
I have yet to witness something as fucked up as this
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ
wow
Holy shit
This is an ace attorney trial
“Now comes the exquisite twist”
Here’s a transcription, as the text in the image is way too small:
Murder or Suicide?
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President Dr Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story.
On March 23, 1993 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.
He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
“Ordinarily,” Dr Mills continued, “A person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide.” That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
In the room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject “A: but kills subject “B” in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject “B.”
When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, if the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple’s son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son’s financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn’t actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother’s murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as suicide.
A true story from Associated Press, Reported by Kurt Westervelt.
Bizarre or what?
Dude holy HECK
This is amazing….
Ororobos eating its tail
WHAT IF ANAKIN NEVER REMOVED REX FROM THE SYSTEM AFTER ORDER 66
Like, Anakin might not know that Rex defected. He promoted Appo but technically Appo’s still second in command of the 501st, under Rex (Rex is still listed as a Captain because Anakin is really really fucking awful at paperwork). And then when Rex doesn’t show up, the obvious conclusion is that he’s dead, but Anakin still doesn’t let him get listed as MIA or KIA because that’s HIS CAPTAIN, dammit, and he’s lost Ahsoka, Padme, Obi-Wan, and literally everything else he ever cared about, he doesn’t want to face having lost Rex, too. And he works better with Rex than with anyone else (mostly because Rex has become accustomed to his bullshit and is Very Good at taking Anakin’s spectacularly stupid nonsense and Making It Work), and really he can’t picture leading the 501st with anyone OTHER than Rex at his side.
And then Rex keeps not coming back. But Vader still doesn’t remove him from the system. For years and years. And eventually everyone stops mentioning it to him because they tend to get force-murdered if they do.
So long story short, Rebels-era Rex is technically the commanding officer of Vader’s Fist, and the system still recognizes his codes and lets him in, and technically if he walked up to any stormtrooper while wearing his old helmet, the networks would recognize him and tell the stormtrooper that’s your CO. So if Rex realized this, he could just waltz in and take control of the most feared stormtrooper legion in the galaxy and as long as Vader wasn’t around, no one would stop him (they’d all be very confused, but they wouldn’t stop him). And maybe vader walks up at this point like “what the hell is going on here” and sees Rex and is just like “REX there you are where the FUCK have you been?” and Rex is like “uuuhhhh i had engine trouble on the way back from Mandalore” and it’s been 20 years but Vader knows how shitty Rex is at piloting and really anything involving flying and ships so he’s like “sounds legit”
And then Vader starts assigning Rex new campaigns to go on and dragging him into command meetings and generally treating him as if nothing’s changed since the Clone Wars. So now Rex has to pretend to be loyal to the Empire to avoid raising Vader’s suspicions, all while trying to figure out how the kriff he’s going to get back to the Rebellion with the 501st in tow like he originally planned.
and Vader is still 100% down to leave 90% of the actual on-the-ground strategy to Rex, and was so used to just nodding along to whatever tactics Rex suggested during the Clone Wars (unless he had some Specific Bullshit to add) that now you get strategy meetings going like this:
some admiral or other: (insert planet here)’s foolish insistence on resisting our totally fair resource mining agreement must not go unpunished
Vader: we will burn them to the ground and destroy their cities, leave no civilians alive
Rex: General, I have an idea. Instead of doing that, we do… not that.
Vader, nodding along: ok yeah sure Rex sounds good
admiral: ummm my lord
Vader: fuck you Rex knows what he’s doing
Rex: you heard the murderbot we’re going with my plan
meanwhile everyone’s low-key terrified of Rex because he regularly makes fun of Vader to his face and doesn’t die. Vader lets him do it because it’s such a relief to finally have someone competent working for him, who isn’t afraid to call him out on his stupid ideas. And Rex is like, medium-key terrified of Darth Fucking Vader, and horrified by what Anakin has become, but they also manage to form a salt-bond by bitching to each other about how lax the Imperial Army’s training standards are compared to the GAR.
Headcanon that Rex had a habit of “testing the reflexes” of the new shinies (and occasionally Ahsoka and Anakin) by sneaking up behind them and yelling “CONSTANT VIGILANCE” and firing his blaster into the ceiling. When he finds himself stuck on an Imperial Star Destroyer with a bunch of deathtroopers and an asthmatic Sith Lord and somehow in charge of almost everyone there, he decides, FUCK IT, might as well, and resumes his old habit. Vader is not exempt. Vader is pissed that his regulator makes it impossible to do it back to Rex.
Perfection! I love this concept beyond words! XD
Poor Rex. You just KNOW every time he tries to leave he’s thwarted by Imperials who despite their terror realise he’s a good influence on Vader and refuse any action that might risk losing him and going back to the regular unscheduled maimings…
And then of course there’s the whole “Skywalker” reveal - and honestly Luke is Rex’s best path back to the Rebellion:
Vader: Rex where are you? Have you finished clearing out those Rebel forces yet?
Rex: yeah about that General, turns out your kid was on base and I decided to take the opportunity to “defect” along with my best troops so we can keep a proper eye on him.
Vader: excellent! well done Rex! keep me informed.
XD
Rex would totally be a new Fulcrum agent with this level of access and autonomy in the highest ranks of the Empire. Even if Vader straight up walked in on a transmission, Rex could just be like “Oh, I’m leaving Ahsoka a voicemail.”
Meanwhile rebel command is picking up something like “…three new batallions deployed to the Naboo sector–oh, hi Vader. I’m sending Ahsoka a holocall.” *muffled scrambling for the microphone* “SNIPS YOU GET YOUR STRIPEY ORANGE BUTT OVER HERE WITH THE 501ST!”
You know, this whole setup seems designed to make sure Luke knows who Vader is earlier in canon.
Also means that Vader is unexpectedly confronted with a Luke who knows who he is, who he was, and what he could have been.
In short, one Vader defection coming up!
(Also, I expected this to turn very sad very quick, but it just got silly and fun and I love it)
Hmmm, exactly when in canon is Rex getting stuck with Vader here? Cuz if it’s BEFORE the events of A New Hope, that means he’s gonna be with Vader when he captures the Tantive IV (don’t worry, Rex talked Vader out of the Rogue One hallway massacre).
Rex: Uh, sir, I think you should believe the princess. She’s on a Diplomatic Mission™, she doesn’t have the plans, leave her alone
Vader: Aight, I trust u boo. (To Leia) Ok fine, you can go on back to Alderaan now. We’ll give you an escort.
Leia: *internally screaming FUCK cuz she’s already yeeted R2 and the plans off to Tatooine* Uhhhhh that’s really fine, thx, I have an uh, errand to run first, don’t wanna bother you.
Vader, suspicious: Oh rlly? Well we can come along on that too, I run errands for the Emperor all the time. I insist.
Leia: ok fine if you insist :) :) :)
Leia’s all right and panicked on how she’s gonna ditch Darth Chaperone on a sandy hell planet so she can look for some missing droids and a Jedi Master who’s supposed to be dead, but it turns out to be no big issue cuz the second Vader finds out they’re going to Fucking Tatooine, he nopes right out of there when Rex volunteers to stay and keep an eye on the princess.
Of course this culminates in Leia and Rex finding Luke and the droids, Rex learning Luke’s name, learning who Leia was originally sent there to find, seeing how the two of them connect near immediately. Rex puts EVERYTHING together.
All of this leads to poor Obi Wan getting his hut door kicked down by a very irritated Rex because he has some serious explaining to do.
And that’s how Luke finds out about his father.
Rex: hey random farmer kid can we get those droids back from you
Leia: also what’s your name?
*thirty minutes later, after Rex rage-yeets himself across miles of sandy wasteland to ruin a fucker’s day*
Rex: *kicks down obi-wan’s door* kenobi what the FUCK
obi-wan: ahwhaat the SHIT
This is honestly the best fucking thing I’ve read all day
i drew it
“…but they also manage to form a salt-bond by bitching to each other about how lax the Imperial Army’s training standards are compared to the GAR.”
I can totally see this happening, because it’s Anakin Petty-walker we’re talking about. Judging by how militarily incompetent everyone seems to be in Vader’s eyes, being able to talk with someone not-as-incompetent (from older times, yes, Vader doesn’t want to talk about it, and yes, Rex tried, Vader didn’t answer), might be a total relief to Vader and I could actually see Rex having the same influence as Luke when it comes to stopping Vader from randomly killing officers who, I don’t know, breathed in his direction or something.
And Obi-Wan and Rex meeting again, after all these years? My mind is spiraling.
Rex: so youve just sat here???? for twenty years??? meditating????
Obi-Wan, putting his cup of tea down: No, my dear friend, you see, I have been-
Rex: oh please SHUT UP how are you so calm??? do you even know what ive been up to???
Obi-Wan, realising: …You’re still Commanding Officer to Anakin, aren’t you?
Rex: Yes, at first I didn’t-
Luke, eyes wide open, shaking Obi-Wan’s shoulder: Anakin, as in, my dead father Anakin??? Anakin Skywalker?? The Jedi Hero????? The pilot????? The most fearless warrior that-
Rex, brain short circuiting: Where’d you get that from?
Obi-Wan, blushing: Uh….. Luke, this is not the time. Go talk to Leia or I’m afraid she will break something, your sister seems quite angry-
Luke: Sorry, my what????????
Leia: His who?????????
Rex, looking at Leia, and then at Obi-Wan: a Skywalker?
Obi-Wan, rubbing his temple, sighing loudly: ….a Skywalker.
Okay so are you implying that Ahsoka is also a part of this now cuz I can see that after the whole “SNIPS GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! TARKIN’S A BITCH AND I NEED A NEW ADMIRAL!” debacle at the communications hub the rebels aren’t going to pass this opportunity up.
And of course, Grand Admiral Tano’s first order of business in charge of the Imperial Fleet is to replace her incompetent top officers with people she knows can get the job done- and if they’re all Rebel “defectors”, that’s a small price to pay for competence, right, Skyguy? And of course, those officers are going to want to bring in their own teams from their Rebellion days, and so will those soldiers…
I don’t think Anakin ever conciously turns back to the light, or defects to the Rebellion, in this AU. The process is so gradual he barely notices anything changing- and then one day he wakes up on a ship completely screwed by Rebels, surrounded by his Rebel friends and family, feeling happier and freer than he has in decades, and suddenly calling himself “Vader” just feels wrong.
Somewhere, Sheev Palpatine is having an aneurysm.
the entire imperial fleet just casually turns into Rebellion 2.0 I LOVE IT
Yes, yes, YES, this is wonderful, and also while Leia’s looking for an excuse to go onplanet at Tatooine, she would’ve done her research about what’s ON the planet, suppose she looks from Vader to Rex a couple times and invents some line about how actually this mercy mission involved going to Alderaan to pick up a strike force to rescue someone who’s been sold into slavery whom they’ve discovered is in Jabba the Hutt’s possession, hey, given that Jabba is a criminal and all, suppose she could get Imperial assistance with the matter? thinking she’ll just pick a dancer at random and convince them to portray a Senator’s daughter kidnapped and sold for political reasons and try and sneak off to find Kenobi during the rescue mission’s reconnaissance stage—
—and if there’s anything that can get Darth Vader’s ass down onto Tatooine it’s the opportunity to absolutely fuck up a crime lord and liberate some slaves, so off they go, and Kenobi feels a disturbance in the Force and starts thinking to investigate but heads the Lars homestead’s way to defend Luke, and Luke, still stinging about having been denied the Academy again, has just grabbed Artoo when he sees the Imperial shuttles descending in the direction of Jabba’s palace and decides fuck Uncle Owen, he’s gonna go watch, and he meets Old Ben heading in that direction, and … yeah. Choose your own “everybody arrives for their own reasons and it’s chaos” type adventure.
I think a lot of people are forgetting that on tumblr fandom used to be practiced very differently. now everyone fucks off to their discords or tumblr groups to discuss everything with a select few, making tags be nearly only used for posting some finished fanworks or not at all
a decade ago people didn't have tumblr groups. people didn't even have dms. if you wanted to talk to anyone about anything you had to make a post, or send an ask (which more often than not would get published and thereby become a post in the end too)
so next time you think "I have a fandom thought but I have to find a small group of hyperspecifically like-minded people to share it with in private" remember all the freaks you could be missing out on meeting by keeping the tags dead. use tags, make friends. fuck discord.
Fanfiction is becoming people’s primary form of entertainment right now because most media right now is so cheap, bland, recycled, and sponsored by people who love money more than the source material. Fanfiction is written for free by people who genuinely love what they’re writing about. That’s why it’s better. That’s why it’s more satisfying. Fanfiction is a home-cooked meal made for yourself and for your friends. Media today is junky fast food spoiled by too much grease and the knowledge that the people producing it are being criminally mistreated and underpaid.
FANFICTION IS A HOME-COOKED MEAL
WOW. BRO.THAT’S.
Also, we don’t try to make everything in fanfiction canon. We can explore alternate universes to our hearts’ content, but we don’t try to insist, “That’s the way it is now, and if you disagree, you’re a terrible person.”
so. my wife came downstairs just as i took a bite out of the remaining half red onion on the counter. literally within seconds of just getting away with it. i looked at her, and she looked at me, and we both sat there a moment, all frozen, beforeshe said babs, what the fuck.
i tried to say i can explain but it came out as or corn explorn because such was the onion in my mouth that there was no room for words. its honestly a miracle that she understood me at all. at least, i'm assuming that she understood me because she did let me get my bearings for a few moments. a smarter man would've used that time to think up a good lie, but instead i just chewed as fast as i could because i knew i was gonna have to tell a whopper and i really wanted to be able to use big words again.
big words are instrumental to telling a whopper.
anyway, i totally ran out of time. i barely got my first swallow of onion in before she said well?, and i did at least have an empty mouth to match my empty head. but also i had no lies. so i looked her dead in the face, opened my mouth and waited, every bit as curious as her, to hear what excuse my mouth was gonna come up with.
im pregnant, said my mouth.
great job, mouth, said my brain.
mmmmm onion, said my mouth.
better you than me, said my wife.
then she went upstairs. it has been two hours she still refuses to kiss me. im devastated. im shook. im crying a little, i think.
(but that might just be the onion.)
ok i just got this thought out of nowhere but blog divers (people who scroll through a blog and reblog things that were posted YEARS AGO) are actually a super important part of the tumblr ecosystem
With people going inactive and deactivating, a lot of classic tumblr posts and also missed gems get lost because those connections get broken. Even on my own blog I forget about posts I made until I see someone in my activity reblog one of them- which then inspires me to reblog it myself because it was a good post and I want my new followers to see
do not feel bad about diving through someone's blog and reblogging shit from years ago, it keeps dashboards alive
(and if anyone has a problem with that, they can just block you or they can delete the root post ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, two things that have absolutely no effect on the grand scheme of our lives)
Cycling nutrients (old tumblr posts) from the ocean floor (mutual's blog archive) to increase (dashboard) ecosystem productivity
Whale Fall Scavengers Spreading Vital Nutrients From The Surface Back Into The Ecosystem
There are many benefits to being a tumblarine biologist.
yes they are toxic but it is because of the love. without the love it would be a lot healthier actually.
in honor of twenty thousand notes… I have been, as the youth say, called out
urbanprole
