I know that the past few months have been difficult for a majority of us, some worse than others. And while thats being said, I also do want to take responsibility for how I may have made things a bit harder for those around me.
Looking back, I recognize that some of the things I said—like ‘goodbye’ or ‘I want to harm myself’—may have caused stress, confusion, or pain. I didn’t mean to make things harder at all, but I can see now how it may have come across, and I truly regret that.
I even let my own stress get the best of me, and it affected others. The way I handled things wasn’t fair to Casey, and should never have gotten way out of hand. I know I let you—Xavier, Story, and Brianna—down, and I’m truly sorry for how my actions affected them from what I did to Casey.
Casey is a very good friend. They’re an intelligent and humble individual I’ve known. They’ve always been there for me, supporting me even when I didn’t fully deserve it, and I needed to be better with them.
I should have been more open about boundaries and been more open and forward instead of letting things get to the point where it is now, to where they are scared to open up to people because of what I did. And that’s really not okay at all. It hurts to know that you’re the reason someone is having a hard time to trust people and to open up about how they feel to others as well.
Casey deserves utter respect, and I really regret not being upfront and honest with them when it should’ve been brought up. I realize now how important it is to talk openly, especially with someone like Casey. I let my own insecurities and stress get to the worse of me, and that’s not fair to anyone, especially someone who’s been such a good friend to me.
Xavier, you’re not just a friend to Casey. You’re someone who means a whole lot to them. They depended on you when things were at their lowest. You’ve always been a constant source of support, always offering your humor and your advice, especially when things felt tough.
That’s something that Casey can always rely on, and I realize how important that is. I should have recognized that and been more mindful of how my actions might have affected it, instead of running away from the situation as if nothing happened when I know something did.
Even though they have nothing to do with any of this, I can’t help but feel guilty when Charlie talks about you. They mention you often, and it’s clear how much they like you and how much they care about you. They really love you, and honestly, it hurts me a whole lot whenever they bring up your name, and I know that’s on me. It’s my fault that I feel this way, and I regret letting my own problems affect that.
I want to go back to where we were before, when things felt easier. But I know the damage has already been done, and I can’t undo what’s happened. All I can do is try to learn from it, be better, and take responsibility for my part in this.
Story, I will never forget how you were concerned about me when things weren’t going well. You’ve always been there, no matter what, and you’ve helped me in multiple ways that I can’t fully express. I’ve always known I could count on you for support, and I regret my mistakes getting in the way of your relationships with others.
Your kindness meant everything to me, and I should have been better at it instead of letting things get out of hand like it did that night. It wasn’t your fault in the slightest. It was mine. You were worried and concerned, and you did what needed to be done. And I don’t blame you for that at all.
Brianna, you have been someone I could really rely on, whether I needed some advice or just someone to talk to in general. You’ve been very patient with me, even when I didn’t deserve it, and I don’t know what more there is to say other than thank you. Your support has meant more than I ever truly let on. You are really one of the most genuine and understanding person I know. I love you dearly, as friends, and the thought of losing the bond we’ve shared breaks my heart.
I don’t want to lose any of you, but I know I’ve hurt you, and my actions have consequences.
I know I’ve already lost a few of you with my choices, and that’s something I’ll always regret. It’s hard for me to admit, but it’s the truth. And I am so, so sorry for causing that pain.
I care about each of you individually so much. I care about the friendships we’ve built, and it’s incredibly painful to know I’ve put them at risk. I want to do better. I hope, with time and effort, I can gain what’s been lost. I’ll work hard to earn back the trust I’ve damaged.
We really need to let it all go, and to end it from here. It has evolved to the point where others are involved and shouldn’t be even in it to begin with. I’m willing to do my part if you’re willing to do your part. I will never let it go nor ever forget what I did. What’s done can never be undone and there’s nothing I can ever do except to know where I went wrong and how to do handle it better moving forward.
