i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

my late stepdad was italian from calabria and he taught my mom how to swear in the language much like how my dad taught my mom how to swear in punjabi and malay so whenever she gets road rage she starts shouting at people in an insane incoherent combo of italian-punjabi-malay. she is irish canadian

i beat myself up for not knowing enough about my special interests a lot but then i remember the average person off the street has no idea what the carboniferous is and i feel better

We gotta stop aiming for unique and interesting baby names we gotta start naming every single infant straight-shot middle-of-the-road ass popular common unisex names like Alex and Sam. By the end of 2031 I wanna see 100% of kindergarten children named either Alex or Sam and you know what, let’s make ‘em all Smiths and Johnsons, too. In an age of digital tracking give your baby the gift of total functional anonymity within the panopticon

Yall dont know how I fight against my phone with every text post. Some words capitalize out of nowhere because I wrote a sentence in all caps one time six months ago and ever since I started writing in French ágain á glitch in my keyboard randomly swaps regular a’s for á’s. Watch this. I DON’T want a sandwich. Oh see that time it only did the capitals. You see the shit I’m working with here

its crazy to me when people say they cant understand cat body language cause maybe its the ambigous neurodivergence in me but i find them easier to understand than people. they literally come with a rumble feature to let you know theyre happy. i wish i had that.

Some of you guys have never burned a CD and it shows

Some of you guys don't even realise I don't mean setting a CD on fire

idk if anyone else has seen the surge of memes making fun of cave divers recently. there was a comment on one that was like "cave divers with 4 kids, 2 degrees, a loving wife and a huge house when they learn that Satan's Sphincter has a 0% survival rate" it had me crying laughing

Two types of gay men in this world the kind that will beg you to never lose weight never shave and never shower and the kind that will tell you if you aren’t a hairless mole rat that drinks 40 liters of ozempic a day you should be thrown off the edge of the flat earth. Imagine all of this was said to the tune of Britney Spears circus btw

dude im feeling so dysphoric rn…. and the only thing that can help me…. cough….. is a fat stack of benjamins…. 🥺

honestly bedsheets are developing new topologies and geometric forms in the middle of the night and nobody knows why and its really scary

Sometimes I forget that guys liking instagram models posts is like an entire issue some people have in their relationships honestly to god one of those things that makes me feel like an alien put on this earth to live amongst humans like do you think that instagram models are going to want to fuck your 4/10 Midwest boyfriend Brad who doesn’t wash his ass. and do you think him witnessing an attractive woman is cheating. What’s going on ever

we went to bed at 6pm last night and whenever i woke up my brain would try to slowly reconstruct the phrasing and imagery of McDonald's Honey Bustard Pickled Sea fuck meal and as soon as id get it right i would fall back asleep happened about a dozen times

Merry 2000 Trained Rats, everybody

My car is getting serviced and this auto shop has a shop dog and he's ridiculous. Look at this guy. This is a grown ass man.