happy birthday to THE bitch of all time
(via sigridhawke)
I know it’s unfair vilification and stuff but it’s also a lot of fun to see old media and stuff where people were SO scared of big animals like lions, sharks, crocodiles and wolves were fully expected to just come and eat you the moment you stepped into their territory. In older media we also made that assumption about gorillas and in still older we thought it’d be whales.
But some animals that will actually fuck you up got left behind. Boars will kill you and eat you. They’re way more likely to do so than any of those other things actually. Hippos, obviously, got off like bandits always being depicted as cute and dopey. And then there’s the squids. Not giant kraken size squids. The eight foot squids that hunt in packs and will fuck you up if you fall in the water at night. I can’t BELIEVE people slept on that. It’s like all they cared about were the huge deep sea ones we never see. The medium size wolf pack squids were right there.Oh some of you don’t know about the squids. I talked about them in another thread that went kinda viral somewhere or other but one of the reasons you should not swim in the open ocean at night in many parts of the world is that the water starts teeming with these:
And as you can see it is not like instant death, they too are just animals and they are often just gently curious about the presence of humans!
But people who study and dive with sharks will tell you you’re safe as long as you stay calm and know what you’re doing. The world’s leading professional night divers and experts on these squids, specifically??? Stress in every interview and article and paper they write in that you simply do not fuck around with these squids. They know what they’re doing and they still all have at least one story of being attacked, in some cases having to be hospitalized. Considering just how rarely anybody puts themselves in the pitch dark nighttime ocean on purpose, let alone during a squid feeding frenzy, it sounds like they’re quite a bit more likely to consider you potential food than other marine predators.
We also don’t know how many fatal attacks might have ever happened, because what humboldt squid like to do with large prey is just drag it away into the darkness forever. The two worst attacks ever proven involved two or three squid at a time latching on to a diver (in BOTH cases they were professionals and knew the risk!) and jetting straight downward with enough force that both divers suffered injury from the sudden pressure change alone, including burst eardrums, nearly passed out and they probably would have died if they hadn’t broken free.
In general, people who die drowning in the dark open ocean are either never found, or they’re found in pieces picked over by enough scavengers that the precise cause of death can only be narrowed down to “the sea.” But now you know ONE of “the sea’s” possible murder weapons :)There’s a short section on Humboldt squid in Wikipedia’s entry for Cephalopod attacks on humans:
And if you can get past some of Animal Planet’s hokey presentation style, this video includes a bit of interview with one of those professional experts who still got nearly squidded from existence:
There is of course some debate about all this, with some arguing that all proven documented attacks occurred on people with reflective diving equipment, which they say the squid must have mistaken for the shine of fish. However, there are lots and lots of people who have to fish around these squids to survive, who do not have access to that kind of equipment, and also have a consensus that if you fall in the water when big squids are out hunting you might disappear without a trace or perhaps just get your head bitten open. With many modern science guys agreeing with this sentiment, this is one case where the “they’re just misunderstood sea friends” crowd is kind of outnumbered.
The sea at night is theirs and not ours is all. It’s not ours during the day either but since we are neither marine nor nocturnal animals we are double fools in the eyes of the squids, which by the way are these eyes:No for real:
Absolutely! Also, the Humboldt squid will hunt in packs, sometimes with one flashing brightly to draw attention while the others approach in near unseeable camoflage!
Beautiful footage of the nefarious sea demons also :)
Also because I can’t reblog every addition together:
Okay where’s the other 1199
I absolutely adore Humboldt squid. I saw a doc once where a scientist was cage diving to study them, and one of the squid squeezed it’s entire massive body through the cage bars, bit the guy and squeezed right back out.
Why isnt this an animal that’s already long gone viral like honey badgers once did. This is the animal that actually gives no fucks. People really are just that obsessed with bigger squids I guess? But the bigger ones frankly come across as big softies in comparison. One big sea monster can never be as intimidating as a thousand coordinated man sized sea monsters.
This is why I thought that if mermaids had a cultural equivalent to lycanthropy it’d be weresquids. Fun fact nocturnal marine life increases activity on the brightest nights ie the full moon.
This is all fascinating but I’m reblogging it exclusively for the phrase “got nearly squidded from existence.”
(via mrpinchy)
THE WAY IT CUTS OFF AT THE END IS SENDING ME
star wars heritage vid
(via creekfiend)
California quail?
Critter
Ever since I saw these tags I just want you to know they’ve been stuck in my mind since.
Congratulations.
I loved her so much i carved this homage.
Woauhh.
Stapmpled
first they made it mandatory to log in everywhere. create an account to download your free template Log in to access resource give us your email nowwwww. Now the humble password is being killed too. open your magic email link! type your 6 digit code that we texted you because we required your email and your phone number! we’re gonna call you and whisper a code sweetly in your ear so you can log in to your account. yes it has a password but you cant use that anymore. okay? poob is gonna call you. now poob is just gonna call you.
(via creekfiend)
I didn’t ask if it made sense to keep going. I said I’m going to kick your twisted evil ass.
(via sigridhawke)
I didn’t see this link in the reblogs but I love Mercury and she has a book out called “Safe & Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair”. She is one of those beautiful souls who love to teach people new skills with compassion and joy, instead of putting down others for not having knowledge about (what others may consider basic home repairs and DIY.
I love this lady. She’s like a friendly big sister here to show you how to do stuff.
(via mrpinchy)
It’s shrimp mode monday everyone, let’s get this bread(ed shrimp) 🍤
more like let’s get this BED, am I right ladies
(via mrpinchy)
one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake
i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw
Americans are so good at making Beverage. One of our Foundational Moments was actually a party involving Making Beverage. Google “Boston Tea Party” for more
(via pissyeti)
Okay okay okay so I’m changing like every recognizable detail of this for privacy purposes but yall need to appreciate this
So I know how to retain CCTV footage, right? It doesn’t come up everywhere but I know my way around- and if someone gets jumped in a parking lot or whatever I can go backwards and see whodunnit
So I’m at this one place, right? And I get a call that an older woman in a wheelchair got hurt somehow and we need to see what happened.
Nobody remembers the exact time, because of course not, but they tell me she was wearing like a massive hot pink jacket and she’s in a wheelchair and she left with a medic round 09:45ish, so I figure I’ll start there.
So I find the incident itself no problem, but they need ALL footage for liability and insurance and stuff, so I have to keep going
And about ten minutes backwards, I lose her. She comes into view past a single shelf on one of the worse cameras and vanishes.
like. VANISHES. Hot pink jacket, big bulky black chair, gonzo. No idea where she came from.
So, I pull up entry cams. Zoom backwards till I see her come in… at like 06:15.
THREE AND A HALF HOURS EARLIER.
So first off, this is gonna take me like two hours minimum to write down, forget retention. And I’m kind of dying in my soul a bit but I start over there, watching her come in and meander and whatever.
At about 08:30ish she disappears.
Doesn’t leave. Doesn’t head to a bathroom. Doesn’t take her coat off. Her trail just stops.
Now, I’ve done this before. Typically, a location only has the mandatory minimum amount of room for a chair or walker to get around, so a person using one can only go forwards and it’s hard to 180. That limits options and makes it easier to follow, whereas a little unattended and fully mobile kid will zoom around in circles and shit and go who the hell knows where.
Then I see her again on the other ass end of the building, and I have to go back again to see how she GOT there.
My guys.
Her two and three-point turns are INCREDIBLE.
She’s popping on the wheels, flip, zoom, she’s out somewhere I didn’t think she could even GET to. I’ve been planning my search for places that fit a wheelchair or least-resistance fast-paths from A to B and she’s like… doing some Tokyo Drift shit.
I don’t know WHY. The whole place is basically completely accessible so long as you put up with having to reverse, but no. No, she goes where she wants.
I’ve been at this for half the day, and I still have no idea where she went for like an hour and a half.
Fuck me, I’m taking a lunch break
This is barely an exaggeration
(via pissyeti)